Posted by Wabby at Sunday, December 31, 2006 0 comments
Sunday, December 31, 2006
New Year's Eve. Are we all excited? I'm not. OK so maybe I'm being a miserable sod today, but what is there to celebrate? Was it a particularly good year? Are we celebrating a new start and that we're going to stick to our new year resolution for longer than ten minutes? This is bull shit. My brother goes out clubbing on NYE to pick up drunk girls. And I'm sure he's not the only straight guy who's going out to do just that. Let's face it, NYE is just a day for hedonistic mayhem and endlessly shagging drunkards.
What I really hate is that those people who are going out to get totally smashed, expect that everyone else are making plans to do the same. Well no, I'm not going out to celebrate, because it's nothing to celebrate. Today is no different to any other day. And I'll stick to my lazy-ass routine rather than being out in this horrible weather, pretending to be happy and smiling at random strangers, wishing them a happy new year and hoping that maybe they will be drunk enough to give me a kiss. And then when it doesn't happen, you think "FUCK, if I can't even get a kiss from someone on NYE then I may as well shoot myself." LOL
I remember being in a club on my own on NYE many years ago. It's ironic that though I was amongst 100s of people, I still felt like I was alone. So maybe it was a bad idea to go out on my own, but hey, back then I was optimistic and thought everywhere will be full of friendly people and it'll be good. Boy was I wrong!
Anyway that's enough of that. Enjoy your new year, whether you are out and about vomiting in street corners, giving blow jobs in alley ways, or having depraved sex in some nasty gay clubs (hmm maybe I SHOULD go out tonight! lol). Alternatively, have a good NYE if you are home alone, watching Dr Who in bed, and having a quiet wank afterwards.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Another guy with an ususual fetish:
I'm a hardworking, professional guy who - as a way of relieving the stress of a busy career - enjoys getting gunged in a business suit, with cream, custard, beans, mushy peas etc. I like to do this to other suited, professional guys too.
I like to pour the gunge alll over and inside the suit, down a guy's trousers and pants - rubbing his cock in the gunge.
I especially like to see the gunge run down a guy's legs - filling his black socks and shoes.
Think of the dry-cleaning bill!
LOL I just saw a young Asian on Faggydar searching for a rich daddy (so what else is new?) and this is what he's got to say:
I LOVE SIMON COWELL!
hI Lads, i am 25 years old asian lad. I am looking for fun with older men as that is my preference.Eating wining dining and parties. Cinemas, theatres and travelling i enjoy (and he enjoys it even before because it'll all be free). If a relationship happens then that woud be really nice too!
I am looking for mature men who i can have fun with between 45-65
SIMON COWELL! IF ANYONE KNOWS OF HIM AND HOW TO GET CLOSE TO HIM PLEASE LET ME KNOW OR OF HE IS IN TOWN OR SOMETHING.... XXX
Stalker alert!
This is fucking gross! This sent shivers down my spine (so you KNOW it's bad).
A profile from the wonderful world of Faggydar:
"Have a kink about fucking my teddy bear! I fuck him every day, spunk my loads up inside him.
Sounds weird maybe, but shows how open minded I am, how kinky I am, and you would be surprised how many people are messaging me and wanting to meet me know they know about that!
Anyone else interested in this or do it / done it themselves? Let me know so I know I aint alone!
"Also (and not essential just a like of mine) into crossdressers - even better when they arent convincing!"
Erm, are ANY of them convincing? These trannies don't understand the concept "less is more". They just slap on the foundation with the finesse of a bricklayer.
Director George Lucas says the fourth instalment in the Indiana Jones film series will start next year.
Lucas said he and Steven Spielberg had recently finalised the script, and promised it was "the best one yet".
Actor Harrison Ford will return as the titular star of the film, which is due to hit cinemas in May 2008.
Meet Shilpa Shetty (I'm sure she'll soon be called Shilpa Shitty), the Bollywood actress rumoured to be on Celebrity Big Brother.
*Shudders* WHY?!
I'm going to cringe with embarrassment because she's going to have a VERY annoying accent: a mix of American, British, and Indian. And that does not make a good combination!
All I can say is: please don't judge us brownies based on this superficial whore. I don't know her, but from what I know of Bollywood actresses, they think they're above everyone else.
Gawd, I hope she doesn't say something like "God damn it bullshit to hell". LMAO.
Golden oldies A Team actor Dirk Benedict, 61, Paul Michael Glaser, 63, from TV cop show Starsky and Hutch and singer Jermaine Jackson, 52, from the Jackson Five, are said to have signed up already.
Others tipped for the show include former Steps singer Ian “H” Watkins, Lil' Kim, Tara Reid, and Robert Kilroy Silk (ugh!).
Justin Timberlake- What Goes Around
Ooh, just look at how he humps the chair! This is his next single. Good song.
A redneck took his daughter to the gynaecologist.
They waited in the doctor's office when finally the doctor came in and asked the father: "Well, what are we here for today?"
The father answered: "to get my daughter on birth control, doc".
"Well, is your daughter sexually active?", asked the Doctor.
"No", answered the redneck, "she just lays there like her mother".
A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit.
The bear leans over to the bunny and says"Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur"?
The bunny says "No".
So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.
Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein has been executed by hanging .
Iraqi TV said the execution took place just before 0600 local time (0300GMT). Video footage of the execution is expected to be released as final proof of Saddam Hussein's demise although it is expected to stop short of showing the actual death.
That fucking Margaret Beckett said the UK government does not condone the use of the death penalty. OK, so why didn't the government make more of an effort to oppose it?? If the government really opposed it, they would have kicked up more of a fuss. You can be damn well sure that if Saddam was held not guilty, the US probably would've bombed the fucking court for their insolence!! lol
Friday, December 29, 2006
Jackie Stallone's Best Bits- Celebrity Big Brother
Celebrity Big Brother returns in January and I'm ashamed to say, that I'm actually looking forward to it. Easily the best celebrity contestant so far has been Jackie Stallone. She should soooooo return!
Remember that story I posted about the footballers' orgy? Well HERE is the video!
Students who ate salad dressing tainted with one of their number's ejaculate have been declared safe.
Earlier this month, 17-year-old Marco Raphael G Castro, of Wheaton, Illinois, confessed to relieving himself into a small bottle of ranch salad dressing at his high school canteen, then returned it, and watched as other students consumed the mixture.
Vile!
I guess a woman's place really is in the home!
WOMEN who do regular housework can dramatically reduce the risk of developing breast cancer, a new study claims.
Scientists have found moderate physical activity can help cut the risk - in particular housework.
They claim all the 218,169 women in their study, aged 20 to 80, who undertook housework had a "significantly" reduced risk of getting the disease.
SCHOOLS could stage “gay weeks” under Home Office plans to tackle homophobia.
New guidelines suggest classes in lesbian, gay, bisexual and transsexual awareness may cut hate crime.
Discussions on anti-gay attitudes could be included in citizenship lessons or anti-bullying weeks.
Pupils and parents should also be encouraged to report schools which fail to take homophobia seriously, according to ministers.
And complaints on playground name-calling could be made direct to police via the internet.
But the plans drew strong criticism. Tory MP Philip Davies said: “It’s barmy, politically correct nonsense to brainwash kids. Schools should concentrate on teaching children the 3Rs.”
Home Office minister Tony McNulty said: “Any form of crime motivated by prejudice or hate is unacceptable.”
Well, I think it's a step in the right direction, though how seriously are the kids in school going to take it? I can just imagine they'll all be giggling and muttering words like "batty man" and "gay lord" lol. If parents taught their children from the age when they understand the terms "mummy and daddy", that there is such thing as "daddy and daddy", then they would not grow up being homophobic. But you have so many ignorant people out there who teach their children that it's not "normal" and the effect of that is that their prejudices are passed onto their children.
Here's a comment from a dumb Sun reader: I think it's outrageous that the government wants to teach children how to be gay, but on the plus side I've amused myself for the last few minutes thinking up gay reworkings of the three Rs, and they're all absolutely filthy.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Now this is what you call a proper bitch boy:
"Sexually 100% TOTAL passive, never versatile.
I like to be someones bitch in bed, I like sexually dominant and selfish men. I know how to treat a totally active man. I believe in clearly-defined sexual roles, in that the 'subs' role is to serve and the 'tops' role is to get served. For me this means suffering total chastity for a top as a mark of respect for his dominance over me. Sex is only about serving the top to give him sexual release and living my pleasure through his orgasms and never my own.
A guy who has 'Active' in their profile and can be very dominant and selfish sexually but a normal, considerate guy outside of the bedroom. Can such a person exist?? Ideally looking for a man longer-term to do 'normal couple things' like going out with friends, go down the pub, dirty weekends away, eating out etc... Prefer non-smokers.
Sexually looking for 100% TOTAL active guy who loves being sucked. Like a bloke to behave like a real bloke, i.e. love selfish, lazy men who lie back and have me serve their cock. I like non-receip sex where only the top is entitled to orgasm and sex only ever revolves around getting him off.
Also if I a meet a man on here, I would be open to doing all his housework, laundry, shopping, ironing etc...I see it as a subs role to do all that kind of stuff. Or any sexy guys who have their own place and want to have me do all your crap domestic chores for you without the sex? I do it for free as regular as you want.
NO MEN WITH DOGS. Sorry." (Wtf? LMAO!!)
Now there's an offer. You can definitely have your cake and eat it when it comes to this bitch boy.
Anyone interested?
Texas Cowboy's Wife
A West Texas Cowboy's wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, born of fury, and cutting calves, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.
She put his tally-whacker in a vice, and then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.
The banged up Cowboy was terrified, and hollered, "Stop! Stop! You're not gonna cut it off with that
rusty damn saw, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said,
"Nope. I'm gonna set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do whatever you want!!! "
Sex Survey Results
Coventry is the vibrator capital of Britain - according to a sex survey released today.
Fifty seven per cent of people (mainly women) like using the sex toy on their own, closely followed by Sheffield (56%) and Swansea (54%).
Sixty-two per cent of women and 82% of men (72% on average) also wish they made love more often, the poll found.
Around a third (31%) of people across the UK have sex twice a week but 22% make love less than once a month. One in 10 has sex every day. Women are more unfaithful than men, according to the survey of more than 3,000 people.
Some 40% of females said they have cheated, compared with 34% of men.
And 21% of all respondents to Durex's Big Sex Survey fantasise about having sex with someone else while making love to their partner.
Respondents are most likely to fantasise about a good friend of the opposite sex (41%) or a work colleague (22%), while 13% secretly lust after their partner's friend.
More than one in 10 women (12%) said they sometimes fantasise about having sex with a good friend of the same sex, compared with 4% of men who do the same.
A third of women (34%) fantasise in general about lesbian sex, compared with 14% of men who have gay fantasies.
Around half of women (47%) fantasise once or twice a day about love-making, while one in four men (26%) think about it 10 times a day.
Seven out of 10 men (69%) watch or read pornography alone but they are more secretive about the habit - half (51%) do not tell their partners.
More than one in five (22%) respondents want to spice up their love lives with a threesome, bondage, swinging, or having rough sex, but are too afraid to ask.
Britons' favourite means of adding excitement are talking dirty (33%), watching porn together (28%) and rough sex (19%).
A farting prisoner has been told he faces an extra five years in prison after his wind problem led to a punch up.
Jesse Dorris, 26, alleges that cellmate Brian Bruggeman, 38, passed wind next to him.
The inmates at the Lincoln County Jail in the US had a fight following a flatulence fit in which Bruggeman is accused of injuring Dorris by pushing him to the cell bars.
He now faces a preliminary hearing on 11 January on the state's complaint of assault by a confined person, which could lead to an extended sentence.
Sheriff Jerome Kramer believed the incident was a result of overcrowding. 'When you've got a guy causing problems passing gas, there's no way to get away from the smell,' he said.
Clever Strippers
Strippers have managed to beat off a new anti-nudity law in the US by wearing latex spray-on bikinis.
Pole dancers at clubs in Alabama have worked out they can dodge strict new rules by spraying their skimpy thongs a flesh colour.
Under Alabama's law regulating exotic dancers, any skin that would normally be covered by a modest bikini must be swathed in an opaque covering.
But the law doesn't specify what kind of material must be used.
Legally a nylon swimsuit and spray-on latex are virtually the same, which means the nude graffiti meets the law's restrictions.
I read this on someone's profile and usually I find all that lovey dovey stuff really silly, usually because it all sounds like bull shit. Just read a gay Chinese man's romantic drivel and you'll know exactly what I mean. LOL! But I thought it was actually quite sweet. Of course, those of you who don't know the meaning of romance (namely, KPY) will probably want to slit your wrists after reading this, so be warned.
What am I looking for?
A guy who phones three times after saying that he
might give me a call;
and when we meet does not look
across the street for a new mate,
but, even after our twentieth date,
still makes me feel like the only person in the room,
or the world.
Someone whose smile will stay when he looks away,
who reaches for my hand, not because he needs a hand up,
but because he knows that the slightest touch
can feel as real as the embrace of a long-lost friend.
Someone who will do the dishes after I make him breakfast in bed;
or who will come for a cuddle while I butter the bread
because it’s lonely in there without me.
Someone who refuses to wait till xmas or valentines or birthdays
to make me feel special,
and does that, by greeting me with a smile
as soon as he opens his eyes.
Someone who, even though across the room at a party somewhere,
can still hold me with his smile, kissing me
with a long-distance grin, hugging me with silent reassurance,
loud expressions.
A guy who uses the word “love” only when he is sure that he means it,
and who says it often enough to make me feel the same as I did the first time,
but not so often that I fail to appreciate what it means.
Someone who always sounds pleased to hear me,
even if I am calling just
to remind him to fetch milk on the way over.
A guy who never does anything because he feels obliged to,
and for whom a spur of the moment surprise
can be something he has cultivated, for a while.
And when he talks to others, even those he has just met,
he talks about me with passion, and people can tell his heart is set
on one person only.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks,
"Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?
Police are urging visitors to the city centre to be especially vigilant for
a new gang operating a slick routine that is aimed at stealing from unwary
persons.They say that the gang usually comprises four members. While the
three younger ones, all appearing to be cute and innocent, divert their
"mark" (or intended target) with a show of friendliness and fun, the fourth
- the eldest of this gang of criminals - sneak from behind the person's
back to expertly rifle undetected through their pockets and bags for any
valuables being carried.The attached picture taken by a news crew operating
in the inner city shows the gang in operation.
Awww.
1. Men are like . .. Laxatives . .... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like . Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ...... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ..... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..... . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ... . Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like . Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Santa letters
Always the most fun time of year. These are some of the letters to Santa that must have just missed publication in your local papers:
Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn how to read and spell? I'm giving your brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
.
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 3, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony and a robot.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
What kind of person names their kid FRANCIS! I'll bet you're gay you spoiled rotten little brat!! I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susie,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when I'm riding in my sleigh. Next year do me a favour and leave me a bottle of Scotch instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really, really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, please, please could I have one?
Love, Timmy
Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your wimpy parents, but that crap doesn't flush with me. You're getting a sweater AGAIN.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We do not have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why your getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your place the same way the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,
Santa
Nappy Bondage Anyone?
Ah ha! Found another one lurking about. Yes, he too is into nappies. But it goes a bit further. He regresses to a child-like state and wishes to be looked after in his cot, fed, and cleaned. Just look at the paraphernalia!
This is what he says:
"im into nappies plastic pants also like a/bs looking for genuine guy for nappy fun fed up of all the chat want to meet real guys have a full size cot happy to be daddy to a young lad or even older brother scenario.
looking for genuine guys any age who want to chat maybe meet into nappies plastic or being a a/b also like nappy bondage (wtf? LOL!) if u are into that have a bit of gear restraint hoods masks msg me and i will reply but please no timewaisters"
Thicktoria Beckham has slammed rumours over her stick thin figure declaring: “I don’t have an eating disorder.”
“I think there is a big difference between someone with an eating disorder and someone who is controlled about what they eat."
Stupid Skeletor. Anorexics are extremely controlling in what they eat. D'uh, that's the whole point!
The bony-assed whore maintains her size zero figure by permitting herself to snack - not eat - on edamame, pretzels and occasionally sushi.
Festive bargain-hunters braved the cold to take advantage of discounts of up to 75 per cent at Boxing Day sales up and down the country.
At the flagship Selfridges store in Oxford Street, Central London, 2,000 people queued from 5am to be the first through the doors.
Free doughnuts, tea and coffee were also offered to waiting shoppers!!! Damn I missed it. Mmmm free doughnuts!
Saddam Hussein must be executed within 30 days, Iraq's Appeals Court has ruled.
A nine-judge panel upheld the former dictator's death sentence for crimes against humanity, and confirmed he would be hanged.
Since I'm not in favour of the death penalty I can't say I'm too happy with this decision. Yes, he's committed horrendous crimes against humanity, but can the 1000s of Iraqis who've died under his rule be vindicated by Saddam's death? NO! The death penalty is a barbaric, primitive form of punishment. A life for a life may be a simple concept, but the reality is that nobody feels any "better" that the person has finally been executed. Killing Saddam will probably just make him a martyr. It is just soo "easy" to kill someone for his wrongs. If you really want to punish him, send him to jail for the rest of his life.
Harry Potter's arch enemy, Lord Voldemort, is the odds-on favourite to kill off the famous boy wizard in the final instalment of the series, it was revealed today.
Bookmaker William Hill said Potter punters are throwing their weight behind Voldemort - and even Harry himself - to bring about the demise of the schoolboy.
Just kill the little nerd off so we never have to see or read about the little shit ever again!
It's a children's book and yet there are so many adult readers who just love it. It's so sad when I see middle-aged men reading Harry Potter on the tube. You might as well start reading the fucking Mr Men books!
RAP star Lil’ Kim is having a BIG row with Celebrity Big Brother bosses after demanding £500,000 to appear on the show.
The notorious American singer was originally offered £255,000 to go on the Channel 4 hit.
Lil’ Kim, 32, wanted DOUBLE that — but is now considering an increased offer of nearly £400,000.
She insists she has:
Why is no one telling the dirty bitch to just fuck off?! She's a nobody in the UK!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Monday, December 25, 2006
Bitchdom
Meet "Bitchdom", the cross-dressing dom!
She'll whoop your ass if you don't as he/she says!
I like the fact he/she's made such an effort with the outfit- including a tight bodice which produces a nice cleavage.
Merry Christmas. I woke up at 1pm and I'm currently eating my muesli. I just couldn't face getting out of bed too early: I knew that dad would be busy in the kitchen making the fry-up and he'd probably be accompanied by my greedy aunt who just comes here to eat. My granny's ass wiper was here this morning so that was another excuse not to get up too early. I didn't really want to wake up to THAT kind of Christmassy odour!
So far, no sign of an X-BOX 360 lol. Instead I've been given a tee shirt by my sis and a bottle of Baileys from auntie (with a £20 note inside). This doesn't feel like Christmas at all!!!! Maybe I need to hear some Christmas music:
That helped a little.
Hmph, I'm really not impressed with the television line-up. Harry Fucking Potter and the Philosopher's Turd. I mean, we've seen that a gazillion times already. Where are the big blockbuster premiers? Looks like I'm stuck with Monsters Inc and The Vicar of Dibley. Definitely not going to watch miserable Eastenders (although the fact that Pauline finally dies might make me change my mind).
Anyway, that was my cheerful Christmas speech lol. Have a good day and enjoy being a piggy.
Ricky Martin Picture
I hear some of you poofs quite like Ricky. It isn't really working for me, so I hope it works for you. Happy wanking!
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Some problem letter sent to gay.com:
Dear Gus,
Back in 1981, I was trying to find out exactly who I was, and dated a few women. Two weeks ago I received an email from a guy asking if I knew a Miss X from my college days.
I said yes, and he informed me that he was my son. His mother had admitted to him it was her decision to not pursue a relationship with his father because he was bi, named me – and we share a rare blood type.
He said he wanted to meet his real father, so now, 24 years later, at age 42, I have a son I never knew.
And he’s gay. I think it’s great; we can discuss things I never had anyone to ask about at his age and it’s like talking to my younger self.
In the last few days, however, I am noticing a lot more than just the father-son things in his attitude. I feel a bit more than just fatherly attraction, too.....
That's just disgusting! I know that poofs are always seeking opportunities for sex, but this one takes the chocolate digestive biscuit!
Guy In Nappy
I wonder what it is about wearing nappies. Does he get off on them because of the way it feels? You know how some people like the feeling of rubber, or polythene, or leather. So is it the same with nappies? Or has he had a fucked up childhood and he feels most comfortable when he wears the nappies because being a baby was a simpler time and he just wants to be cared for? You think he shits in there too and lets it squish about all day? Does he go to someone to wipe his ass? So many questions, and no answers! Plus, where does he get the nappies from? Do Pampers make nappies for obese babies? Or maybe he works in a care home and he steals from there.
What would your reaction be if you met a guy, went back to his place and when he unzipped and dropped his trousers, he was wearing Huggies?
If anyone can answer any of the questions above, then please, feel free to leave a comment!
I'm going to tell you about a weirdo I chatted to recently. He basically has a fetish which involves sending a person pics of him wearing women's undies etc. Then basically he wants the recipient of the pictures to "blackmail" him. What he gets off on is for the recipient to say something like "start wanking right now and cum on your chest otherwise I'll post your pictures to particular websites and friends". So I thought it would be a laugh and I agreed to blackmail him. Hahahaha. It was quite funny actually- it brought out the dom in me! LMAO
Anyway, since I have his pics I thought I'd post 'em. You know how I like the weird and not-so-wonderful. Enjoy! lol
Gremlins clip
One of my favourite scenes in Gremlins. It's not in English but it doesn't matter.
Right I'm off to watch Gremlins 2 on telly. Catch ya bitches later. lol
xxx
There was a professor who would start off his class with a dirty joke. Some of the girls in his class were fed up at this and decided to leave as soon as he started to tell his joke the next class.
The professor caught wind of their plan and the next class he began his joke and said, "Lately there's been a critical shortage of whores in China."
The girls all stood up and began to walk towards the door. And the professor said, "Whoa hold on girls, the boat doesn't leave till tommorow!
Burberry has been branded as "the meanest company in Britain" after factory staff were reportedly given a £30 voucher for Christmas. Politicians described the handout from the fashion giant as "insulting" after it emerged that workers at the Burberry factory, earmarked for closure, were given a £30 voucher and a scarf as a Christmas bonus earlier this week. They should be fucking grateful they got ANYTHING! As if companies are obliged to give their workers a load of freebies. If it was my company, they'd all be sharing a pack of M&M's! lol Anyway, do they really want a Burberry garment? Ewww!
Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer
The Silver Surfer from the Fantastic Four sequel. Out in cinemas on June 15th 2007.
Synopsis:
The F4 meet their challenge as the Silver Surfer comes to earth to prepare it for destruction. The F4 have to unravel the mystery of this metal geezer and confront the surprising return of their mortal enemy, Dr Doom.
A very simple storyline- again! It better be worth it, 'cause the last one was shit!
Ooh Silver Surfer could surf me any day. lol
Saturday, December 23, 2006
I've just had a long conversation with mum. It was about my being gay and being able to bring a guy over (if I had a guy, that is). Basically it started when my 17 year old sister brought her boyfriend over to stay at our place. Dad is not happy at all. So I've been chatting to mum and saying that if my sister can bring a guy here, then why can't I? I know dad would freak so that isn't a possibility unless the parents move abroad. Mum certainly hasn't changed her mind about gays. She still says there's something wrong with my brain and that I should just go out with girls because being gay is "wrong". No matter how much I argue, she just ain't budging.
*Sigh* It's so unfair. Fucking parents just expect me to marry a girl, make babies, and live happily ever after. I can't think of anything worse. The worst thing is that they are actually ashamed that I'm gay. They're worried what people in the community will think if they find out. It hasn't occurred to them that the only thing that should matter is that I'm happy.
Why Santa can't possibly be a man:
1. Men can't pack a bag.
2. Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
3. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
4. Men don't answer their mail.
5. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
6. Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
7. Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
8. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
Top 10 Naughty Santa Pick-Up Lines
1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
5. I know when you`ve been bad or good--so let`s skip the small talk, sister!
6. Some of my best toys run on batteries...
7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that`s what the Mrs. calls it)
8. I see you when you`re sleeping -- and you don`t wear any underwear, do you?
9. Screw the "nice" list -- I`ve got you on my "naughty" list!
10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men
(And What They Actually Mean)
10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)
1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! What's wrong with some people? This guy sends me nasty pics yesterday. I didn't respond. You'd think he would get the message by now. I ain't interested in your fucking arse!
And he's just sent me these pics.
Tut, I didn't even get a rejection letter in the post today. Am I not even worth the paper it's written on??! Grrrr.
This guy is looking for someone who can "belch or burp on command". It's a sexual thing.
What's the difference between a belch and a burp?
He's not bad looking. But I can't burp on command. I do have a weird digestive system though. I usually burp a lot after drinking diet coke, or a lot of water, or after every meal, or after I've taken my vitamins.
Anyway, pimp wabby is searching for someone to complete Mr Burp Man. Let me know if interested- and if you have the required talent.
Sarah Michelle Gellar (The Grudge, Buffy), Chris Evans (Fantastic Four), Zhang Ziyi (Memoirs of a Geisha, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon), and Kevin Smith (Clerks) have just been announced as voice talent for the new animated feature film, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT).
Why the hell is that returning? A bunch of talking turtles who eat pizza, who are skilled ninja warriors, and whose master is a fucking rat!!!! LMAO
Mind you, back in the day, I loved it. NOT ANYMORE! Can you still remember their names?
Donatello, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Raphael (I had to look it up y'know).
Friday, December 22, 2006
Oh well, it's almost 5pm and I haven't heard a thing from the company I applied to. I can only presume I'll get the bog standard letter tomorrow saying something like "we were very impressed with the standard of all candidates and it has been a difficult choice but on this occasion we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position". Blah blah blah. Ugh I feel so dejected.
DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!!
Time for a sad song:
These three men were stranded on an island: an American, a Brit and a Frenchman. The three searched the island to try to find a way off when they came upon a lamp with a genie. The genie poped up and said, “I will grant three wishes, so that's one for each of you.” So the American goes, “Well I wish I was back in the States.” So puff, he was sent to the USA.
Then the Frenchman jumps up and says me next me next, I know exactly want I want. The Frenchman says, “I would like to build a wall. I want this wall to be 1000 feet high and I want it to surround France, so that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, and I also want to be in France.” So the genie says okay and builds the wall, and now France is officially separate from the rest of Europe and the Frenchman is back there.
So now the British man gets up and says, “Tell me more about this wall.” So the genie tells him, “This wall is 1000 feet high and surrounds France and noting can pass in or out of France.”
So the Brit says, “Okay. Fill it with water.”
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?" "What dear?" She asked gently. "I think you bring me bad luck."
Well, I haven't heard anything about the job yet. It ain't looking good. :(
*Screams at the phone: "RING you bastard!!!"* lol
Randy Granny
A SEX-mad OAP has been jailed for the attempted manslaughter of her SON-IN-LAW after a sado-masochistic game got out of hand. Margot Rudiger, 69, got three years after celebrity lawyer Franz-Peter Walter, 66, was found trussed up, being “ridden like a horse” while she throttled him with a phone cord. Cops rushed to Walter’s office, where Margot was trouserless. She said she had interrupted a robbery, but was convicted in Stuttgart. She got 3½ years.
Let's All Cum Today
An eccentric anti-war organisation in California is urging everyone in the world to have an orgasm on December 22. Baring Witness say the combined climaxes will "effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth", thus promoting world peace. Sex Facts
The animal with the biggest penis, relative to its body size, is the barnacle. Its penis can grow to 10 times the length of its body.
In the town of Willowdale in Oregon, USA, it's illegal for a man to swear during sex with his wife.
Cleopatra owned one of the world's first vibrators. It was a small container filled with buzzing bees.
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals – but the animals must be female.
The age of consent in Japan is just 13.
A pig's orgasm can last half an hour.
Icelanders are more likely than the people of any other nation to use vibrators – 52 per cent of them own one.
Every day, 200 million couples around the world have sex.
Female marsupials (Australian creatures like kangaroos and duck-billed platypuses) have two vaginas.
According to a survey by condom manufacturers Durex, the Chinese have the world's highest average number of sexual partners: 19. Strangely, however, the same survey found that 11 per cent of Chinese have never had an orgasm.
In the 15th century, prostitutes in the Italian city of Venice were legally obliged to go topless in public at all times.
More than one in five Turks say they've had sex at school.
The male praying mantis cannot mate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
When the Egyptians conquered Libya in the 13th century BC, they removed and kept 13,320 penises belonging to defeated enemy soldiers.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
BRRRREEEAAAKING NEWS! Stephen Wright has been charged with murdering the 5 Ipswich whores......such a waste of life.
NOW who's going to give the men of Ipswich blow jobs?
Queen Online
Not, I'm not talking about fags. I'm talking about THE Queen. The Queen's Christmas speech is to be made available as a podcast for the first time. A downloadable version of her annual address to the nation will be available on her website at www.royal.gov.uk. Subscribers can order it in advance on the site so that they will automatically receive it on 25 December at 3pm. There is also a click and play option to watch the speech online. Buckingham Palace said the theme of the speech this year is the relationship between old and young in society. I think I'll give it a miss. I'd rather see the veiled Muslim woman on the alternative Christmas speech on ch.4. Hopefully she'll start ranting and calling us infidels. lol
Video Of Jordan Walking Down The Aisle
This makes me shudder. The whole thing was a media circus. Aren't weddings supposed to be a private, intimate thing? Not a show for everyone else! Anyway nevermind. It was funny to see Peter's face. He looked like he was really shitting himself. And of course, the sight of Katie Price (in a nasty PINK ballerina dress, tits hanging out and a tiara that looks like it was made from scrap metal) is just priceless!
THE 5 STAGES OF A FEMALE'S LIFE
THE 5 STAGES OF A FEMALE'S LIFE
1. To Grow Up
2. To Fill Out
3. To Slim Down
4. To Hold It In
AND
5. To Hell with it
THE PHILOSOPHY OF SEX
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgemental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams
Subject: The Little Girl and The Cop
> >A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little
>girl
> >stopped beside him on her shiny new bike.
> >
> >"Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little
> >girl said, "He sure did!"
> >
> >The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a
>safety
>
> >violation, saying, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the
> >back of it."
> >
> >The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there
> >sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
> >
> >"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
> >
> >The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the
> >dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
Play this silly game where you shake the snow hunks (till he cums).
A mother who was criticised by a doctor for nipping out for a cigarette moments before her caesarean operation has won more than £44,000 for her 'hurt feelings'.
The heavy smoker claimed that she developed severe post-natal depression after the anaesthetist told her off.
The patient, known only as Mrs G, delayed the operation by leaving the ward in the private clinic to get her nicotine fix.
The anaesthetist, referred to as Dr A, claimed her coughing made it difficult to give her an epidural before surgery.
After the birth he told her: 'You've seen your daughter born, if you give up smoking you might see her get married too.'
The patient, who is in her 20s, complained that the doctor had harassed her and was awarded £44,500 for 'pain and psychological distress'. Her legal fees were also paid for.
Ridiculous! A health professional is right to tell a person off for smoking. "Hurt feelings" my ass. That was one litigious, money grabbing, pregnant whore!!!! The reason she developed post-natal depression was due to giving birth. D'uh! It was nothing to do with what the doctor said! It is we, the tax payer (well, not me 'cause I'm unemployed at the moment) who have footed the bill. Tut.
Arghhhhhh I just noticed a tin of Quality Street in the living room. Why am I complaining? Because it's the "special edition" tin, containing just caramels, toffees and fudges!!! Ewwwww! What kinda freak eats just those? lol
I want the ones with nuts in them!
So, Leona from X-Factor won. I actually hope she doesn't get to no.1, not because I don't think she's a good singer. She is. But the song is fucking shit and people shouldn't be buying songs just to support an individual for the sake of it. People should be buying music because they think the song is good. The song is all that matters. The true winner is Simon Cowell. What he'll do is squeeze as much money as he can out of her and then when she doesn't sell any more records she'll be dumped.
I for one am very proud that I didn't watch a single episode of that crap television show, which is basically a record company hunting for the next artist which is guaranteed to be a success. Why bother with proper artists (who can write and produce their own music, but whose success is not so guaranteed) when you can be guaranteed the stupid public will buy whatever shitty cover songs the winner ends up singing?
From The Metro:
What's the most prized figure in an average nativity scene – a wise man, a donkey, perhaps a shepherd? Well in certain parts of Spain the one character no self-respecting manger would be without is “El Caganer” or “The Crapper”.
Every year homes across the Spanish region of Catalonia proudly boast a statuette of a smartly dressed peasant squatting behind a rock with his trousers around his knees and his butt sticking out.
Not content with just a figurine, Catalan children are also rewarded at Christmas with poo-shaped sweets and on Christmas Eve they beat a hollow log called a tio packed full of gifts and sing a song in which they ask the log to crap out presents.
The tradition dates back to the late seventeenth century, but it wasn't until the 19th century that it achieved widespread popularity.
El Caganer's ''fertilizer'' enriches the earth around them and means the nxt year will bring a good harvest. In Catalonia, this translates into a general good omen for the future.
Crazy Snake Man!
Manoharan, known as Snake Manu, 30, practises with two brown tree snakes by running it through his nasals and mouth in Chennai, India.
RIPPER suspect Steve Wright was a cross-dresser who wore high heels, a PVC skirt and a wig when meeting prostitutes, it was claimed yesterday.
Never underestimate a trannie!
A 26-STONE man(not the guy in the pic) is suing Air France for £5,000 after being “humiliated” by staff who weighed him, measured his waist and charged him for two seats.
But Air France lawyer Fernand Garnault said: “This man can barely balance on his chair in this courtroom, so how is he expected to squash into a small single seat on a plane?
LOL! How embarrassing! They should have done the fat analysis test that Dr Hibbert did on Homer Simpson. See the video below! Unfortunately it's not in English but it doesn't matter.
Naughty Lampy
“There was an electric buzz of anticipation in the room. I wasn’t sure if we’d make love as it was so close to such an important game. He poured even more champagne. “He asked me to stay, grabbed my hand and kissed me. Then he lifted me up so that I was straddling him. “He looked at me and said, ‘I want to be with you. The first time I saw you I wanted to be with you’. “So I let him take my top off to reveal the black bra underneath. He is a professional athlete who trains every day, so he has a great body. Every time he kissed me, I closed my eyes and my head was spinning. “I gave him a butterfly kiss, fluttering my lashes on his cheek. Then he asked if I wanted to make love and I melted into his arms. We made love very slowly. I think it took him longer to finish because of the drink.” Sighing with pleasure at the memory, Montse continued: “I lay in his arms and he asked if I had enjoyed it as much as him. But then five minutes later he was ready for more....
The cutey pie that is Frank Lampard has been a naughty boy. He's been cheating on his fiancée with a Spanish chauffeuse.
This is how the puta told the story:
"He moved closer and asked if I was dating. I told him I had split from my boyfriend of two years in February.
Mmmm look at his legs!
She told how it was Becks’ idea to replace her long mane with a “pob” — a posh bob. And the whore revealed it was because her hair was getting in the way of their romps. She giggled: “David prefers my hair short. With hair extensions you can be in the midst of passion and one flies out. *Shudders* There's nothing womanly about that Skeletor: no curves, grapefruit-sized tits, absolutely no arse, and a heeeoowge alien-sized head.
VICTORIA BECKHAM has revealed why she cut her hair off — so she can have more SEX with hubby DAVID.
www.fitlads.net are giving away free 2007 calenders. If you like young-ish chavs, scallies..you know the kind, then send an A4 SAE (Stamped, Addressed Envelope) with 44p postage to:
David and Joe - 2007 calendar
58a Broughton Street
Edinburgh
EH1 3SA
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned.
The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O'Malley of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned."
She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?"
"Knowing Brian O'Malley as well as I did, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room."
Would you like to live here? These are names of actual locations:
Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Bastard (Norway)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)
Chinaman's Knob (Australia)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Cunt (Spain)
Cunter (Switzerland)
Dikshit (India)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic)
Effin (Limerick, Ireland)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Fukue (Honshu, Japan)
Fukui (Honshu, Japan)
Fukum (Yemen)
Hold With Hope (Greenland)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Little Dix Village (West Indies)
Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)
Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)
Muff (Northern Ireland)
Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)
Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Seymen (Turkey)
Shafter (California, USA)
Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)
Tittybong (Australia)
Tong Fuk (Japan)
Turdo (Romania)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)
Bastard (Norway)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)
Chinaman's Knob (Australia)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Cunt (Spain)
Cunter (Switzerland)
Dikshit (India)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic)
Effin (Limerick, Ireland)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Fukue (Honshu, Japan)
Fukui (Honshu, Japan)
Fukum (Yemen)
Hold With Hope (Greenland)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Little Dix Village (West Indies)
Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)
Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)
Muff (Northern Ireland)
Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)
Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Seymen (Turkey)
Shafter (California, USA)
Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)
Tittybong (Australia)
Tong Fuk (Japan)
Turdo (Romania)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)
Waipu (New Zealand)
Wank (Germany)
Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
Wankener (India)
Wankie (Zimbabwe)
Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)
Wanks River (Nicaragua)
Wankum (Germany)
Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)
Wank (Germany)
Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
Wankener (India)
Wankie (Zimbabwe)
Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)
Wanks River (Nicaragua)
Wankum (Germany)
Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)
Whakapapa (New Zealand)
Afghani TV Guide
MONDAY
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"
TUESDAY:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Osama Says It's Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistan's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Infidel Slayer"
WEDNESDAY:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "When The Northern Alliance Attacks"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"
THURSDAY:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"
FRIDAY:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Captured Northern Alliance Rebels Say the Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Achmed's Creek" 10:00 - "No-witness News"
Be Cautious
Users of Microsoft Word are being urged to be careful as malicious hackers target the word processing software.
Three unpatched bugs in Word have been uncovered in the last few weeks and two are already being exploited by attackers.
The loopholes being exploited allow attackers to create booby-trapped documents that steal information or take over a PC when they are opened.
Microsoft has yet to release patches to fix the bugs in the Word software.
POSH aims to live up to her name when she moves to Hollywood – she has issued an amazing list of must-haves for her family mansion.
And top of the diva’s wants are his ’n’ hers loos for herself and David Beckham.
Chief WAG Victoria, 32, has also demanded that the house be carpet-free, so her three children do not develop allergies from dusty shag-piles.
Silly whore. The reason why so many people have allergies is that they haven't been exposed to sufficient allergens when they were younger! It's actually good for children to be exposed to filth. They will then develop the antibodies which will kick into action when they are re-exposed later in life! Listen to Dr Wabby!Peru's president has suggested an eye-opening new ingredient for salad - cocaine.
Alan Garcia believes cocaine's raw material the coca leaf should be sprinkled or tossed into salads to pep up the taste.
The leaf is traditionally seen in Andean culture as a possible source of medicinal benefits.
A Christmas Champagne named after terrorist leader Osama bin Laden has been bottled - but banned.
George Bush and his officials are unlikely to raise a festive toast with the tipple named after the wanted al-Qaeda mastermind.
But some wine traders in Peru are hoping to cash in on the bizarre new 'Bin Laden Champagne'.
Illegal local brewers were caught selling the fizz at Christmas fairs for $1 per bottle.
But the authorities in northern Peru have confiscated their cases - and urged people not to taste the drink if offered.
Chiclayo town hall official Carlos Segura said: 'Anyone who drunk the stuff would probably be seriously ill.
'We tipped it into the sewers.'
A CHURCH-going hubby who turned into a sex maniac after a bang on the head won £3million damages yesterday. Stephen Tame, 29, romped with a prostitute, had an affair, got hooked on porn and constantly pestered his new wife for sex after a fall at work. The devout Christian and his wife Sarah, 30, had been wed eight months when he tumbled off a gantry at a cycle warehouse near his home in Wickford, Essex, in January 2002. He spent 53 days in a coma and needed two years' rehabilitation. Brain damage drastically boosted his libido and he lost all inhibitions, London’s High Court was told. He embarrasses women with lewd behaviour and says inappropriate things in public. Someone whack me over the head NOW! hehe
Tom Cruise is reported to have lined up Victoria Beckham to star in his new Scientology film.
The former Spice Girl is said to be "thrilled" about what could be her chance to be big in Hollywood.
Posh is set to play an alien bride in The Thetan, which Scientologists claim is an immortal spiritual being present in all humans.
The recently married film star is likely to bankroll the movie himself after it was rejected by the major film studios. He is said to have picked Victoria for the role after being impressed by her "comic genius". You sure about that?
Yeah "Posh" is ideal to play an alien 'cause she already is one!
Drink Up?
Drinking moderate amounts of booze may reduce the effects of rheumatoid arthritis, new research has found. Mice with a version of the human joint disease were highly protected by daily doses of water containing ten per cent ethanol — the alcohol in beers, spirits and wines.
LIZ HURLEY has been accused of leaving the toilet at pal ELTON JOHN'S wedding without washing her hands. OC star SAMAIRE ARMSTRONG was invited to the star-studded by Elton's husband DAVID FURNISH - and says she caught Liz acting very unladylike.
The pint-sized singer is convinced good undies can be better than a bulletproof vest after getting caught up in a shooting herself. She says: "I dodged a bullet once. It was at some awards in London. "These people were shooting, and I heard the bullet go whooosh, like, literally past my ear. "Then this woman, she got shot in her tit. But it hit her bra, so she's lucky. "Men should wear bras."
LADY SOVEREIGN has proposed a novel way for gangsta rappers to avoid getting murdered - by donning a bra.
Some already do! hahahaha
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Ahh it's been a long day!!! I've only just woken up having had a 4 hour nap. lol. This is what the day involved:
There were 6 of us in total and we were split into 2 groups. The first task was a group exercise in which we were given some string, two packs of straws, and a pin. Our mission was to build the tallest, free standing tower. Our team won.
Next, each of us had short 15 minute interviews.
Next, the groups were mixed (still two teams) and we played some shit negotiating game:
Each team were in different rooms and there were individual rounds in which each of us had to choose a colour (either yellow or green). If we both chose yellow, each of us would gain 3 points. If we chose yellow, but the other team chose green, then we would lose 3 points and they would gain 6 points. There was a grid provided, telling us what points would be gained or lost depending on the combination. In certain rounds, there was an opportunity for one member of each team to confer with one member of the other team and negotiate playing tactics. Since my team was on a losing streak and since the point of the game was merely to gain points rather than beat each other, our strategy was to just persuade the other team to pick yellow, so that we'd both be gaining points. In the last round there was an opportunity to really screw over the other team, but we decided to take the moral highground and not do anything naughty because I think one of the values of the company is that they take pride in working within ethical guidelines.
Next, we had a couple of numerical tests. FUCK! There was certainly no point looking at my sister's GCSE maths book because that didn't help one bit. It was A-level (probably even degree level) maths. Ouch. I'd be quite chuffed if I got a single question right. hehehehe.
Next, we had lunch. That was pretty nice! Lots of finger good: sausage rolls, salmon, prawns, vol au vents, sarnies, quiche, samosas, mini profiteroles, plus some other things.
Then we had a verbal reasoning test. That was OK. At least I think I got a few of those questions right!
Then each of us had another 15 minute interview with a member of the recruitment team.
My gaydar was telling me one of them was a poof!
Then finally we were split into two teams again and we had to create and present a short presentation. I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest! I hate presentations!
All in all it was a gruelling day. I had a headache by the afternoon and it wouldn't shift. And the other candidates were all reaaaaally nice people. No bastards!
They're going to let me know by this Friday if I've got the job. So fingers crossed!!!
Christmas Carols for the Disturbed
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna
Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder ---Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy
- can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Monday, December 18, 2006
Well, today I've been practising my fractions, percentages, and long division for the numeracy test that I'll have to do tomorrow for a job I'm going for. It's an all-day event- 10am-4pm, which entails tests, interviews and group exercises. Sounds like a nightmare!!! But the prospects are good so I'm hopeful I'll get it. So there won't be any posts tomorrow until I get back. I'll need a nap when I get home too. lol. Wish me luck you gay boys! lol xxx. Oooh they'll even provide lunch. I wonder what it'll be.......I'll let you know!
A third of graduates believe they studied the wrong course at university, a survey from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development suggests.
Most of these said, with hindsight, they would have taken a more scientific or technical course, a business-based or a professional qualification.
Silly people never should have taken a Mickey Mouse degree e.g. Golf Management, Surfing Studies, Wine Studies, Dildo Studies (taught by the eminent professor of Dildology-KPY! Hahaha).
A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill.
The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening."
The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king!"
She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen.
She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise.
Well, the husband is wide-awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her... "Honey?" he whispers.
She rolls over and again proceeds to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore.
Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers.
She rolls over and yells, "Oh sure!... You're not the one that has to get up in the morning!!!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Nooooooooo!
Sir Cliff Richard has launched his traditional bid for the Christmas Number One slot. He's released 21st Century Christmas and if he does beat Take That and the X Factor winner to the top of the charts, he'll have had a Number One in every one of the past six decades.
PERVERTS who steal women's underwear from washing lines could be added to the sex offenders' register under a crackdown to be announced by Home Secretary John Reid tomorrow.
He is changing the Sexual Offences Act to add new crimes with a sexual motive.
What a load of shite! Even if the guy steals the underwear for a sexual motive, the woman doesn't feel sexually violated in any way! She's just going to be annoyed that her undies have been stolen. If stealing panties becomes a sexual crime because it has a sexual motive, then what if someone steals a woman's shoes because he has a shoe fetish? Should that also be a crime within the Sexual Offences Act? What if a person steals a woman's cardigan, because it excites him sexually? Sex crime? OF COURSE NOT!
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Now THAT'S cold!
A THOUSAND workers were sacked in a recorded phone message - and told they had just 30 minutes to pack up and leave.
Stunned staff at Olan Mills Photography were advised to call a phoneline after work. They then also learned they would lose up to a month's pay.
Administrators KPMG, called in on Thursday after bosses failed to find a buyer, said: "A recorded message was the quickest way to inform staff."
Friday, December 15, 2006
There were two men playing golf. The hearse went by and the one man crossed himself. The other man said to him. "Why did you do that?" He said, "It was the least I could do after being married to her for 30 years."
A woman is driving at night on a narrow country road.. At the same time a man is driving in the opposite direction on that same road
When they narrowly pass each other at high speed, the woman rolls down her window and loudly shouts - HORSE! Immediately the man shouts back - BITCH!
The man laughs. He is so proud to have reacted so quickly to the shouting woman and takes the next turn in the road, maintaining his rate of speed.
SCROLL DOWN
Moral of the story:
Men never listen and when they do, they don't understand one word a woman says.
For women everywhere:
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
For all Employees Who Work With Rude Customers
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in
Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making
her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had
been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a
long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry
passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down
on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to
help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure
we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public
address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I
have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly
throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14
WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his
identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said,
F... You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said
I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."
Bit skinny for me. I like a guy with a bit of meat on him. lol But I know a lot of gays will like him, so enjoy!
American senator Bob Beers wants to issue teachers with a weapon and give them firearms training to act as a 'deterrent' to classroom violence.
Nevada senator Beers claims more than a dozen guns confiscated at schools in Clark county and numerous incidents of gun violence in and around Las Vegas back his idea up.
Is he on drugs or something? That's the worst idea in history! Sure, give teachers guns to threaten pupils with. Nothing can possibly go wrong, right?
Damn, I don't have BBC Three!
Get set to be shocked. BBC Three has commissioned a raft of programmes with titles like Teens Addicted To Porn, Me And My Man Breasts, Lucy: Teenage And Transsexual, My Big Breasts And I, Fuck Off I'm A Hairy Woman, and Sex Talk With Mum And Dad.
The latter employs the techniques of a Dutch sexologist and family therapist who believes that by shaking off embarrassment and talking openly about sex the family unit can be strengthened.
In one scene a father demonstrates to his teenage daughter how to use a condom by putting it on a banana.
The programme publicity says: "Our expert believes that if families can be open with one another about sex then they'll be able to trust each other about anything and everything else.
Well I've just woken up after a 3 hour nap lol. Ahh I feel much better now. That interview I had this morning went OK, but I honestly don't think I've got a chance. It felt like they were looking for someone with specific experience, which I don't have. The female interviewer was very nice (maybe 'cause she just kept laughing at what I said, even though it wasn't funny). And regarding KPY's comments that perhaps I had lamb curry all over my face- NO I DIDN'T! LOL!
Well after the interview, I went to Maccy D *slaps wrist*. Hey, the stress of interviews forces me to eat shit. Now I'm feeling very guilty and will probably have to work it off tonight. Argh!
Good morning. I have a job interview at 10:30 so there won't be any posts until I get back. I'll probably need a kip first because I woke up at 7am!! Wish me luck xxx. I'm sure I'll tell you all about it.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
The blogging phenomenon is set to peak in 2007, according to technology predictions by analysts Gartner.
The analysts said that during the middle of next year the number of blogs will level out at about 100 million.
Gartner analyst Daryl Plummer said: "Everyone thinks they have something to say, until they're put on stage and asked to say it."
Speak for yourself! I'm not afraid of saying what I think!
Mischievous Wabbit
A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods when they come across a golden frog. They think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more amazed when it talks to them. The golden frog admits that he is a magical frog, and doesn't often meet other residents of the forest, but when he does, he grants them three wishes each.
The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be female. The frog immediately grants this wish. The rabbit, after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet and one appears, which he places on his head.
The bear is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish. He asks that all the bears in the neighboring forests be female as well. This wish is also fulfilled. The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle. It appears before him, and he climbs on board and starts revving the engine.
The bear cannot believe it. He remarks to the rabbit that he has wasted two wishes. Then, shaking his head, he makes his final wish, "I wish that all the other bears in the world be female as well." The frog replies that it has been done and they both turn to the rabbit for his last wish.
The rabbit thinks for a second, then revs up the engine and says, "I wish for the bear to be gay!" and promptly drives off as fast as he can!
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Geese and turkeys destined for the chop this Christmas have been given miniature hats and scarves to keep out the winter chill.
Breeders say the accessories make the birds happier – and therefore their meat tastes better.
Karol Bailey, a farmer from Knutsford, Cheshire, said she made the hats from customised baby socks because geese try to eat more conventional hats.
She said that 'pleased poultry makes tasty poultry.'
She added: 'They really suffered from the cold weather before.'
Eww I'm just watching Vanessa's Real Lives on telly featuring Michael, who as a young man had a passionate 2 week affair with his own mother!!!!!!!! Disgusting!
An art teacher has been suspended from his school, after footage of him painting with his buttocks on a TV show appeared on YouTube.
Stephen Murmer – who paints with his bottom, as a self-described 'butt-printing artist', under the name of Stan Murmur – was suspended for five days while authorities investigate the video.
Murmer, from Monacan High School in Virginia, has a technique which involves coating his buttocks – or when he requires greater detail, his penis – with paint, then pressing them on the canvas.
Lives are being put at risk by thoughtless use of the 999 emergency line, a police force said today.
Among the inappropriate calls made to the force were:
:: A woman calling about a pigeon which had been in her garden for three days;
:: Builders making a noise with their equipment outside the caller's home;
:: A woman calling about an owl perched on top of a telegraph pole;
:: A complaint about a pair of jeans bought in a shop;
:: A mobile phone battery running down.
Callers were warned they could face up to seven years in prison for wasting police time.
I should bloody well think so! Name and shame the IDIOTS!
Princes William and Harry were left deeply upset today at the behaviour of the paparazzi as their mother lay dying.
The brothers have already been briefed on the outcome of Lord Stevens' police investigation into the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, which is being published today.
William, 24, and 22-year-old Harry are distressed and angry after learning in full of the photographers' behaviour after the 1997 car crash in a Paris underpass.
French paparazzi took pictures of the Princess as she lay fatally wounded in the wrecked Mercedes at the scene as emergency workers battled to save her.
I don't even know why they tried to lose the paparazzi in a speed chase. Everyone knows how dangerous the roads are. Why take stupid chances?
AN interview with Wills and Harry on American TV was broadcast with subtitles yesterday - so dopey viewers could understand them.
CBS anchor Katie Couric met the two princes to talk about the concert for Diana next summer.
She joked to viewers: "Even though they speak the King's English, like all teenagers they speak very fast." She went on: "We had problems understanding them and thought you would too."
A FEMALE nursery nurse has been sacked and put on the sex offenders’ list — for showing a CHILD PORN video to workmates. Single mother Rachel McAlley, 21, laughed as she passed round the film on her mobile phone in a break from looking after kids aged five and under. The clip showed two naked Oriental ten-year-olds being forced into a sex act with each other. What a sick bitch!
JADE GOODY'S toyboy lover JACK TWEEDY has admitted he loves dressing up in her undies. The teenager says he parades around in Bridget Jones style pants 'all the time'. Jade told OK! magazine: "He goes for the pink ones. Big fat pants knickers, so his balls don't hang out." LMAO!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Circumcision can cut the rate of HIV infection in heterosexual men by 50%, results from two African trials show.
The findings are so striking, the US National Institutes of Health decided it would be unethical to continue and stopped the trials early.
There are several reasons why circumcision may protect against HIV infection.
Specific cells in the foreskin may be potential targets for HIV infection and also the skin under the foreskin becomes less sensitive and is less likely to bleed reducing risk of infection following circumcision.
There was a man who worked for the Post Office...whose job it was to
>process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter
>came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open
>it to see what it was about. The letter read.
>
>Dear God,
>I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday
>someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I
>had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had
>invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have
>nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my
>only hope.
>Can you please help me?
>
>Sincerely, Edna
>
>The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
>workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
>pounds.
>By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put
>into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the
>workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be
>able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days
>later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers
>gathered around while the letter was opened, it read.
>
>Dear God,
>
>How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of
>your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.
>We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By
>the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving
>bastards at the Post Office....
I've just been sent this e-mail.
If you go to www.sainsburystoyou.com and order over £60+ worth of goods, - delivery, you can use the codes below once you have selected you delivery date to get yourself off £43
I just ordered over 65 pounds worth of Stella for 25 quid and its getting delivered on Friday! Happy days! Works on anything though, food as well I imagine if that's your bag. >
Think it will be easier if I send you them like this, it should save you
£43 off £60+
These are valid for delivery dates from 10/12/06-16/12/06
£6 off- 7RF5-BD4Q-X7UY
£12 off- 6QSS-3TDY-XABU
£4 off- 8CFL- YS9Y-F95Z
£4 off- BSY8-2NVQ-3P97
£10 off- GN38-Z9UN-VCB9
£5 off- 3DBE-JA5Z-6EYL
£2 off- 2HXK-3UUX-76DA
These are valid for delivery dates from 17/12/06-24/12/06
> >
> > £6 off- ENZ2-6XE8-3UG4
> >
> > £12 off UV4J-B4LC-Z5SL
> >
> > £4 off- SGB2-7L5V-2J99
> >
> > £4 off- XT58-G973-ML4A
> >
> > £10 off- YGVS-95U8-D3Z3
> >
> > £5 off- CUSP-5LPS-MAQ5
> >
> > £2 off- JE7U-GD9K-HKXX
> >
> > Just make sure you use the code for the delivery date and not the
> > date
>you order
Shireen's 2nd e-mail today (I didn't respond to her last e-mail):
Wabby, the Tuesday slot is now no longer available, and I assume you are not free tomorrow at 1.30pm. Please let me know if you have a problem with the middle of the day and I will see if I can accomodate your requirements
Wabby, the Tuesday slot is now no longer available, and I assume you are not free tomorrow at 1.30pm. Please let me know if you have a problem with the middle of the day and I will see if I can accomodate your requirements
Kind regards,
Shireen
I'll tell you my problem- it's you, ya bitch!
My quick response:
Hello Shireen. I apologise for not getting back to you earlier. I would like to withdraw my application because I have accepted a suitable position elsewhere.
Thank you for your time.
I'll tell you my problem- it's you, ya bitch!
My quick response:
Hello Shireen. I apologise for not getting back to you earlier. I would like to withdraw my application because I have accepted a suitable position elsewhere.
Thank you for your time.
Another oldie. Sick!
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him that there is no loo paper in the ladies."
Men are just simply happier people, and here is why...
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You dont have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes dont cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all of your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
An oldie:
A husband and wife are having sex upstairs with the window open when a bumblebee flies in the window and into the wife’s vagina. The man and the woman freak out and decide to go to the emergency room. When they finally get to see a doctor, he says that his plan is to put honey on the tip of his penis, to start having sex with the woman, and then to attract the bee and pull out his penis along with the bee. After a minute the husband and wife agree to the plan. The doctor starts having sex with the wife. At first the mood is still calm, but after a couple of minutes the doctor starts groping the wife’s breasts. She starts moaning and screaming along with the doctor. The husband yells, "Wait a minute! What the hell do you think you are doing doctor?" and the doctor replies, "change of plan buddy, I’m gonna drown this son of a bitch."
This horse on a farm goes up to the cow and says, "I have a bigger dick than you" then he beats him up. The horse then goes up to a sheep and says "I have a bigger dick than you" and beats him up too. He then goes up to the female cat and says "I have a bigger dick than you" and the cat replies "I don’t have a dick" then she beats up the horse. The moral of the story is, no matter how big the dick, the pussy can always take it.
Daniel Craig, the new James Bond, is the sexiest thing on two legs, according to a new survey by Durex Play.
The latest 007 has left millions of female admirers across the globe in 'double-oh-heaven' since his buff bod emerged in a skimpy pair of trunks in the smash flick Casino Royale.
Hamana hamana hamana! *Pants like a dog*
It is an activity usually associated with strip clubs. But fitness instructor Laraine Riddell says pole dancing is 'good exercise' – for children as young as 11.
She wants to teach boys and girls to spin up and down on the poles, despite children's charity Kidscape branding her plan 'out of order'.
The 38-year-old, who also teaches adults to perform saucy pole dances, believes there is nothing sexual about children learning the moves.
These involve lifting and resistance work which builds youngsters' muscles, she explained.
'Mouse rage' is the new term to describe online shoppers who start bashing their plastic rodent uncontrollably on the desk while swearing at the screen.
THE BEST AND THE WORST SITES FOR USABILITY
The Good:
The Bad
Bastard!!!
A Tory councillor who suggested gay people were paedophiles was given a conditional discharge today.
Peter Willows, who has been a councillor in the UK's self-styled gay capital Brighton and Hove for 12 years, made the comment at a mayor-making reception in May.
The 75-year-old was asked by the editor of a gay magazine whether he thought a gay councillor was a paedophile, Brighton Magistrates' Court was told.
"James Ledward asked Willows, 'Do you think Paul's a paedophile?"' prosecutor David Packer said.
"Willows replied to that with, 'I know you are not Paul, it's the other gays'." The barrister said the words "equated gay people with paedophiles".
Willows, who the court heard has "fixed, traditional views on marriage, church and families", was found guilty of using threatening, abusive or insulting works or behaviour or disorderly behaviour within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress after a day-long trial.
I can't believe people would even think that! Ignorant sod. I haven't the inclination to poke a child thank you very much.
With fresh flowers, lounge music and scented candles, it is the public lavatory that women dream about.
But although this ladies' powder room promises to change the way you spend a penny, it has also changed the price - to £5.
Sited on Oxford Street, the luxury loos have cubicles twice the normal size, giving women enough room to change their clothes or dump their shopping bags.
Beauty products, hair dryers and hair straighteners are available and there is a staff member to every two customers. Hand and foot massages and makeovers are also on offer.
The site, opposite Selfridges, cost more than £1million to revamp. It aims to revive the concept of a Victorian powder room. A female bouncer mans the door and a hand and face wipe is given to women when they pay the entry fee.
Shoppers are escorted into a white powder and reception room with flowers, music and candles.
One of four attendants then leads the way to a cubicle 4ft by 8ft. It is scrubbed by one of six cleaners after every visitor.
Women can wash their hands with a signature handwash scented with mandarin, lemon and coriander, use complimentary creams, hairdressing-equipment or have a massage.
They will be open from next Wednesday, between 8am to 9pm Monday to Saturday, and noon to 6pm on Sunday.
Sounds fabulous! For £5, will there be staff to wipe a woman's shitty arse too?
For Kylie Fans
The Mirror:
WHEN the clocks strike midnight on New Year's Eve, Kylie will be having the time of her life - on stage at Wembley Arena.
The pop munchkin is bringing her Showgirl Homecoming tour to the UK on December 31 in what promises to be the biggest New Year party in the country.
She said yesterday: "I'm so happy to be back on stage. I've been to some great New Year's Eve parties over the years, but I can't wait to host the biggest of all."
Tickets are priced at £65 (subject to a booking fee) and go on sale tomorrow at 9am. Call the 24-hour ticket hotline on 0870 735 5000.
Shireen has just e-mailed me:
Hello Wabby,
Hello Wabby,
It was interesting talking to you yesterday, and I would like to meet you if you are free to attend the office please. Ideally at 1.30 either this Thursday or Mon or Tues next week. It will just be for half hour or so. Look forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards,
Time to dump her ass I think. I am highly intuitive and I just know I could never work with such a woman. Now I need to think about how to respond: sorry love, I'd rather grate my dick and sprinkle the shavings in Trafalgar Square for the very few pigeons left to gobble.
5 Ways to Ensure That Your Conversation Doesn't Run Dry on a date.
I know most of you fags have got no conversational skills (too busy thinking about how to get into his knickers) so you NEED to know this. lol
1. Check the news for current events. Bonus points to you if you choose topics that you know your date is interested in.
2. Compliments… Everyone loves sincere compliments. Compliment your date on how his clothes match the colour of his eyes, match his personality, remark on a piece of jewelry, etc...
3. Ask about his family and upbringing. This can lead to further insight into his values, his personality, hopes and dreams and more.
4. Ask open ended questions. By asking open ended questions you're not stuck by asking a series of "yes" and "no" questions.
5. Ask "What if?" or "What would you do?" type questions. The questions can be actual situations or dilemmas, they could be plausible choices one might have to make or they could be pure fantasy questions. This can be both fun and insightful.
And there you have it five ways to stimulate and start your conversations on a date.
Wishing you great conversations on your dates,
BODY LANGUAGE
Sometimes it's not what a person says but what they do that's important. A guy will tell you one thing but his body will tell you another - that's his body language subconsciously giving him away.
If you're at a total loss at figuring out whether or not a guy is attracted or into you, the following lists of body language signs should help decipher some of their signals.
You've got to be just a tad careful though... A guy's body language can just as easily be misinterpreted. A guy who appears to be really into you, receptive and showing attraction could be just be a really friendly guy who's interested in people. And a guy who shows some of the bad body language signs may just be a little on the shy side.
Another thing to be aware about is that not everyone is comfortable with more intimate aspects of body language. For instance leaning in or positioning oneself closely to some guys may mark you as overly aggressive or invading their space.
If you're a naturally "touchy feely" person or if you want to show attraction via physical contact; by all means do so - just try and gauge the other guy's responsiveness and don't do it too soon.
Good Body Language Signs:
Good eye contact = shows sincerity
Legs slightly apart = there's some attraction
Legs wide open = he's showing off his package
Gentle hair twirling (his or yours) = attraction and flirtation
Smiles with a wide open smile = genuine amusement (the good kind) or attraction
Smiles with dimples, laugh lines or crow's feet = genuine amusement (the good kind) or attraction
Touches his face, cheeks or lips = interest and attraction
Leans in towards you = receptiveness to you or what you're saying
Touches you = desire and attraction
Rolls up shirt sleeves, unbuttons his shirt or jacket = a degree of comfort and interest
A general sense of openness = sincerity
Bad Body Language Signs: (you are allowed to throw a hissy fit and storm out)
Piercing eye contact = shows signs bordering on creepiness
Looks away = insincerity, something he said isn't true or quite true - careful; the guy may just be shy.
Constantly looking around = disinterested, boredom, cruising or looking for an escape
Clenches his jaw = anger or impatience
Thin or pursed lips = anger or impatience
Nods way too much = disinterest or a short attention span
Crosses legs or arms = usually getting defensive but not always
Crosses both arms and legs = getting defensive
Holds finger to chin or lips = evaluation or sometimes criticism
Holds his chin in his hand = boredom, evaluation or sometimes criticism
Slouching/Slouches = boredom and disinterest
Thin smile = insincerity, anger or impatience
Shallow smile (no laugh lines) = attempting to look happy
Shifts the weight on his legs = uncertainty and nervousness
Drums the table with his fingers = disinterest and boredom
Rubs the back of his neck or head = tired, impatience or frustration
Thumbs clasped around imaginary suspenders = bragging, boasting or "telling a story"
Shoved hands in pockets = possible insecurity or disinterest
Hand clasping the other elbow while smoking = defensiveness or disinterest
Head pointing upward (eyes going toward the ceiling) while smoking = boredom and disinterest
Constantly playing with a lighter, matchbook or pen = nervousness, boredom or disinterest
Looking through you or around you = disinterest and sometimes defensiveness
He has a sunbed in his bedroom!!!! How narcissistic!
For those of you who want to know where the word narcissism comes from:
The word is derived from a Greek myth. Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo. As punishment, he was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus.
Freud believed that some narcissism is an essential part of all of us from birth.
Andrew Morrison claims that, in adults, a reasonable amount of healthy narcissism allows the individual's perception of his need to be balanced in relation to others.
In psychology and psychiatry, excessive narcissism is recognized as a severe personality dysfunction or personality disorder, most characteristically Narcissistic Personality Disorder, also referred to as NPD.
Gay Dwarf?
I love this crazy world. Look what I came across:
Hi, i am 6ft tall,41 years old, blue eyes, shaved head, Very slim, 100% passive and single,
I am looking for an extremely short defined 100% active guy, short men really turn me on so the shorter you are the more you will be my type ( i would love to meet a gay dwarf, ( sorry i know this is'nt a correct phrase but not sure what is ).
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
ALCOHOL TROUBLESHOOTING
| SYMPTOM | FAULT | ACTION |
| Feet cold and wet. | Glass being held at incorrect angle. | Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. |
| Feet warm and wet. | Improper bladder control. | Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. |
| Drink unusually pale and tasteless. | Glass empty. | Get someone to buy you another drink. |
| Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. | You have fallen over backward. | Have yourself leashed to bar. |
| Mouth contains cigarette butts. | You have fallen forward. | See above. |
| Alcohol tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. | Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. | Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. |
| Floor blurred. | You are looking through bottom of empty glass. | Get someone to buy you another drink. |
| Floor moving. | You are being carried out. | Find out if you are being taken to another bar. |
| Room seems unusually dark. | Bar has closed. | Confirm home address with bartender. |
| Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. | Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations. | Cover mouth. |
| Everyone looks up to you and smiles. | You are dancing on the table. | Fall on somebody cushy-looking. |
| Drink is crystal-clear. | It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. | Punch him. |
| Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. | You have been in a fight. | Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. |
| Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. | You've wandered into the wrong party. | See if they have free alcohol. |
| Your singing sounds distorted. | The drink is too weak. | Have more alcohol until your voice improves. |
| Don't remember the words to the song. | Drink is just right. | Play air guitar. |
I don't know if this is true. Don't blame me if you get shot. LOL
PIN NUMBER REVERSAL (GOOD TO KNOW)
>>>
>>>
>>>If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an
ATM
>>>machine, you can notify the police by entering your Pin in reverse.
>>>
>>>For example if your pin number is 1234 then you would put in 4321.
The
>>>ATM recognizes that your pin number is backwards from the ATM card
you
>>>placed in the machine.
>>>The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown
to
>>>the robber, the police will be immediately dispatched to help you.
>>>
>>>This information was recently broadcast on TV and it states that it
>> is
>>>seldom used because people don't know it exists.
>>>
>>>Please pass this along to everyone possible.
