Wabby

Perv alert

2012-01-20T19:55:00.003Z

When Jihoon Choi, 36, of Birmingham city centre filmed cops pissing, he claimed he simply wanted to see if they had special "pissing power".

A court heard the police officers arrested Choi at the scene in the McDonald's restaurant in Birmingham.

When quizzed about the footage Choi claimed that he had been told that if you were to join the police in the UK you had to have ‘pissing power’ as a sign of strength - and he wanted to check if that was true.

Pervy Choi finally admitted perving on police cock and has been bailed until sentencing at Birmingham Magistrates Court on February 2.

Dog Shit Village rebranded "prosperous and happy"

2012-01-20T19:44:00.003Z

Residents of a remote mountain village in Southwest Guizhou province, China, have won a bid to change the name of their home town Goushi (translated into English, Goushi means Dog Shit Village) to something more palatable.

It was originally just a nickname established when locals noticed it was so inaccessible that dogs would go there especially to take a dump. But the name was adopted by local government officials and police and it even began appearing on maps.

After a road was built to link it to the outside, civilised world, disgruntled villagers were determined Goushino longer deserved its pooey reputation.Local governors finally agreed to rename it Jinxin, meaning prosperous and happy.

Judges' lunch spiked with piss

2012-01-20T19:35:00.003Z

An investigation is underway by cops after it was discovered that Judges' lunches were laced with pee.

It is feared someone with a grudge against the justice system has launched a dirty revenge campaign.

Traces of urine are believed to have been found in soups, salads and sandwiches served up at Snaresbrook Crown Court, East London.

Food safety officers and cops were called in after judges and barristers complained that dishes "smelled a bit off".

A spokesbitch for the company responsible for catering, Eurest Services, said: "We are aware of a suspected case of food contamination and are investigating. Health and safety is our number one operational priority."

2012-01-19T22:41:00.003Z

Television viewers were stunned when a sex scene appeared in the background during a news debate last night.

A naked blonde woman could be seen bouncing up and down on a studio TV screen as Ed Miliband's leadership of the Labour Party was debated on Scotland Tonight.

Panda poo tea has "mature and nutty taste"

2012-01-09T19:35:00.002Z

A Chinese entrepreneur has created the world's most expensive tea using panda poo.

An Yanshi, 41, bought 11 tons of the crap from a panda breeding centre in Sichuan province in south-west China and used it to grow tea leaves that costs £22,000 per pound.

Yanshi is so desperate to flog his brew that he's even claiming that it has anti-cancer properties.

Mr Yanshi's rationale is that 'pandas have a very poor digestive system and only absorb about 30 per cent of everything they eat.'

He adds: 'That means their excrement is rich in fibres and nutrients.

'Just like green tea, bamboo contains an element that can prevent cancer.'

Although his manufacturing process is a guarded secret, he has promised drinkers that they can expect a unique "mature and nutty taste".

2011-12-29T19:42:00.002Z

A man of 63 who complained to police that he was totally ignored during a so-called "threesome" with two whores has been arrested.

Jerry Streng paid the whores £300 but was only permitted to sit on the edge of the bed and watch as they had sex.

They refused to give back the money, so he reported a robbery.

Police in Berlin, Pennsylvania, arrested Jacqueline Eubanks, 50, and Tonia Good, 34, but also held him for using hookers.

Thief conceals a 24 pack between her legs

2011-12-28T22:08:00.001Z

How did she do it?

Help- I don't have any toilet paper to wipe my ass!

2011-12-27T15:51:00.002Z

Emergency service staff were left fuming after a man called 999 to tell them he had run out of toilet paper from a bus station in Somerset, UK.

The dirty ass clogged up the line for over two minutes, giggling and sniggering about being caught short in a public toilet.

Officials traced his call to a bus station in Taunton, Somerset.

A transcript of the call shows the operator is clearly bemused why the man has called the emergency services.

They ask: 'You've gone to the toilet and there's no toilet paper and that's why you're calling the ambulance service?'

The caller then replies: 'Yeah because it's an emergency.'

South Western Ambulance Service released the details to illustrate how prank phone calls and hoaxes like this can stop genuine calls getting through to 999 operators.

Man dies after eating cocaine from his brother's ass

2011-12-21T20:57:00.004Z

A South Carolina man died after police said he was forced to eat cocaine hidden in his brother's bottom.

Both brothers were taken into custody on allegations they had drugs in their car.

But police told Charleston, S.C., TV station WCIV there were additional drugs hidden in 23-year-old Deangelo Mitchell's butt.

Officers said Deangelo Mitchell somehow convinced his brother, 20-year-old Wayne Mitchell, to slurp that white shit right out of his ass to hide the evidence. He died soon afterward.

"It's sickening," North Charleston Police Chief Jon Zumalt told WCIV. "I got upset when I saw the thing. I was pretty shocked on it."

Deangelo Mitchell already bonded out of jail on the drug charge, but now police are looking for him again on charges of involuntary manslaughter.

Deep-fried butter

2011-12-20T21:51:00.004Z

Chefs at one Edinburgh bar are confident their calorie-drenched answer to the deep-fried Mars bar - battered butter balls - will be a real hit with the customers.

Already popular in the US, the dessert has been given a Scottish twist by cooking the balls in Irn Bru batter.

The Fiddler's Elbow is serving the pudding for what is thought to be the first time in Scotland.

Called Braveheart Butter Bombs, the pudding is accompanied with an Irn Bru ice cream and coulis.

The dessert is made by freezing balls of butter before dipping them in batter soaked with Irn Bru.

These are then submerged in bubbling hot oil until browned.

Oliver Scott, who runs The Fiddler's Elbow, said: 'It might not be too nutritious but it's definitely delicious.

'We've been trying it out on volunteers who are loving it. It actually tastes lighter than you'd expect, it's a bit like eating a banana fritter but nicer and obviously a bit naughtier.

'We hope it will help cheer people up in a time of gloom.

Disgusting!

Amusing pic of the day

2011-12-15T23:18:00.002Z

A driver in China could end up being charged on two separate counts after he was caught speeding while fondling the boobies of his female passenger.

Deng Jialin was so distracted by his female companion that he was clocked driving at 92kmph (57mph) in an 80kmph (50mph) limit.

Poo transplant

2011-12-12T19:20:00.005Z

A doctor is using the unusual procedure to repopulate the gut with healthy bacteria, which can reduce in number in certain diseases.

Dr Alisdair MacConnachie, who thinks he is the only UK doctor to carry out the procedure for Clostridium difficle infection, describes it as a proven treatment.

C. difficile infection is caused by antibiotics wiping out swathes of bacteria in the gut. It gives the surviving C. difficile bacteria room to explode in numbers and produce masses of toxins which lead to diarrhoea and can be fatal.

The first-choice solution, more antibiotics, does not always work and some patients develop recurrent infection.

The theory is that by adding more bacteria to the bowels, they will compete with C. difficile bacteria and control the infection.

The dreaded procedure

On the morning of the procedure, the donor will come into hospital and produce a sample.

A relative is generally used, preferably one who lives with the patient, because living in the same environment and eating the same food means they are more likely to have similar bowel bacteria.

About 30g (1oz) of shit is taken and blitzed in a household blender with some salt water. This is poured through a coffee filter to leave a watery liquid.

Dr MacConnachie inserts a tube up the patient's nose and down to the stomach. Other doctors use a different route to the bowels (up da butt).

About 30ml (1fl oz) of brown liquid is poured down the tube.

Dog poo lottery

2011-12-07T20:34:00.003Z

A city in Taiwan is offering people the chance to turn dog poo into gold by handing out special lottery tickets in exchange for every sack of shit they collect.

Residents of New Taipei City, bordering the capital Taipei, are scurrying to scoop up every scrap they can find after the government announced three winners will receive prizes of gold ingots worth $2,100.

The scheme was launched in August and has already seen over 4000 residents hand in more than 14,000 bags of waste.

Lai Lien-chueh, from the city's environmental protection bureau said the competition had been an unprecedented success.

The city has also launched a scheme which rewards people for photographing dog owners leaving mess uncleaned, and have stepped up its own 'poo patrols' in popular dog-walking areas.

Banker whose date didn't return his calls, sends a long-ass email to her

2011-12-07T20:01:00.002Z

New Yorker Lauren went on what she deemed a "horrific" date with a rich investment banker called Mike. Unfortunately, the date didn't go well, so that bitch did what any bitch would do- ignore all his messages! But Mike wasn't going to take this lying down, so after a Google search, he found her email address and wrote a lengthy email
as to why she should agree to a second date.

Lauren was so appalled by the point-by-point reasons as to how she led Mike on, that she posted the letter on the internet.

Hi Lauren,

I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.

FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a Google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.

Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

- You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a Google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

- We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

- You said, 'It was nice to meet you' at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

- We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don’t think I’m being delusional in saying this statement.

In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.

Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don’t go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I’m curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it’s difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).

I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.

Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don’t, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don’t want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn’t want to go again. Normally, I wouldn’t ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.

If you don’t want to go again, then apparently you didn’t think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It’s good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.

If you’re not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn’t given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you’re planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn’t take any significant additional time on your part.

According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date.

You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a 'real' job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars. That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have 'real' jobs? I think so. George Soros’ sons help manage their family investments. Do they have 'real' jobs? I think so.

In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I’ve gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I’m not a serial dater. Sometimes, I’ve only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.

Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it’s better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.

I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too.

If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.

If you’re concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don’t want to go with me again, well, my feelings are already hurt. I’m sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.

If you don’t want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn’t act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it’s not perfect. Again, I’m not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I’m disappointed, sad, etc.

I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don’t want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt.

Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.

Best, Mike

Craaaazy! Let her go, Mr Asperger!

Bon appetit

2011-12-06T22:54:00.002Z

Sick Craigslist ad:

I want to be *forced* to eat your dump substituted for the meat in a burger bun, and to wash it down with a pint of your piss.

Tie me to a chair - then go upstairs to make "my dinner".

Me - chubby & into sick shit, You - trying to pretend to enjoy it and that you're not doing it for the lump of £ I'm offering.

Need to chat a bit before meeting - but totally serious.

Warning: smoking can make your nipples drop off!

2011-12-06T21:28:00.003Z

*Screams* Where did my nipples go?

Dr Anthony Youn, one of America's top plastic surgeons said the nicotine and carbon monoxide taken in during smoking can disrupt blood flow to different parts of the body and so disrupts the healing process following surgery.

The toxins can act as a 'virtual tourniquet' and effectively kill a body part by stopping blood from reaching it.

Speaking to CNN Health, Dr Youn said: 'I cringe every time I see a patient for a breast lift who is a smoker.

'I’m deathly afraid that despite my warnings, she will smoke before or after surgery and cause her nipples to turn black and fall off.

'I've seen it before,' he claimed.

Dr Youn said he treated one female smoker whose nipples had turned purple after smoking caused the tiny veins in the breast to fail, leading to a backup of old blood.

Left untreated they could have turned black and fallen off.

He had to resort to using leeches over several days to suck out the old blood and so restore the woman's nipples to a healthy pink.

Lucky leech.

2011-11-30T22:11:00.001Z

Poo tattoo

2011-11-29T19:34:00.004Z

Dirty bitch stabbed him in the back, so he tattooed a turd on her back!

After tattooist Ryan Fitzgerald discovered that his girlfriend, Rossie Brovent, had an affair with his best mate, he decided to take sweet revenge.

Fitzgerald plied Rossie with alcohol and got her to sign a contract, effectively giving him "artistic discretion" to give her a tattoo depicting a scene from one of the Narnia films. Instead, she got a stinky swirl of poo, complete with flies swarming around it.

Fair enough- the Narnia films are a pile of shit!

Rossie, from Ohio, US, is now suing Ryan for £60,000. She originally tried to get Ryan charged with assault but then remembered she signed the consent form. Oops!

Were those Black Friday deals good, then?

2011-11-28T21:48:00.001Z

Now that's a sexy look

2011-11-28T21:10:00.006Z

Singer Chris Walton, better known by her stage name "The Duchess" stopped cutting her nails 18 years ago for some unexplained reason and allowed those bad boys to curl in all directions!

Her amazing dedication to her 20 feet long antlers has been officially recognised by the 2012 edition of the Guinness Record Book.

What an ignorant bitch

2011-11-28T19:35:00.004Z

I'm so shocked at this...

2011-11-22T19:50:00.005Z

Whoa? Bitch has a third leg!

After getting divorced three years ago, Pauline Potter, 47, gorged on Big Macs, gained 20 stone and subsequently won the Guinness World Record as the fattest woman on the planet.

Her ex-husband Alex, 46, found her fuller figure irresistible and instantly took steps to re-kindle their romance.

10 stone Alex said: "She can't walk, dress herself or even go to the toilet on her own — but I'm desperate to be her lover and caretaker again.

"Plus I miss our sex life. Pauline could be 70st and we'd still have sex every single day because it's that good."

Warning- the extract below may result in nausea.

He added: "Despite what some may think, Pauline is great in bed. She's better than any other woman I've ever slept with.

"Within the first day of being back together we had sex six times in 24 hours.

"Even though one of Pauline's legs weighs more than I do, we're able to position her body to make sex enjoyable for both of us.

"It's really dangerous for us to have sex because at any moment the bed could collapse and one or both of us could be seriously injured or even killed from the impact."

Pauline, who admits Alex does most of the work in the bedroom, said: "It also helps that I did gymnastics until I was 12 so I'm very limber."

*Barfs*

Tranny butt doctor injects cement mixture into woman's ass

2011-11-19T19:11:00.004Z

Oneal Morris, 30, was arrested after the victim nearly died following the procedure as the toxic substances-a mixture of cement, oil, tyre sealant, and super glue- spread through her body.

Now fat ass Morris faces charges of practising medicine without a licence.

Police say Morris, from Florida, US, gave the victim a series of injections to give her a "ghetto booty". Police believe Morris was part of an underground network of "butt doctors" who have been offering home buttock augmentations at "pumping parties" for years across the state.

Kelly Clarkson- Breaking your own heart

2011-11-13T13:15:00.001Z

Can't stop listening to this. Love it!

Another rich bitch taken advantage of- whooo!

2011-11-12T17:21:00.002Z

After the loss of her husband in 2003, millionairess Christine Ince, 59, decided she really couldn't do without cock any longer.

Unfortunately, no man would have her (well, just look at her pic).

Anyway, her friends noticed the tell-tale signs of Christine's loneliness- weeping all the time, gorging on chocolate cake and being permanently attached to a Rampant Rabbit vibrator- so they persuaded her to register with dating site Plenty of Fish (you know this isn't going to have a happy ending).

In short, the widow met cheeky chappy Mustapha jabbai, a 36 year old Gambian on the dating/sex site and after a whirlwind romance got married shortly thereafter. Two years later he wants to quit that bitch and claim a mahoosive payout. Ker-ching!

In a statement, Mrs Ince, who spent 30 grand on Mustapha said: ‘At the time, I believed he cared for me.

'He has used me and my commitment to him to gain entry into the UK and [obtain] the legal right to stay here.'

The disgruntled bitch told the Daily Mail: ‘Mustapha was different to all the other men I had met through the dating site.

'He didn’t try to get me into bed straight away and he didn’t ask me about how much money I had, which some men did.

'He wasn’t a stunning man by any means but he seemed kind and caring.'

Mwahaha. Move on, ho!

Lesbian crush goes too far

2011-11-05T12:06:00.003Z

A female police officer bombarded her female university law tutor with emails, phone calls and gifts after becoming besotted with her, a court heard yesterday.

Melanie Ernest, 39, developed a crush on lecturer Ceri Hughes, 36, when she took a career break from her job to study law.

Ernest bought her tutor a DVD for Christmas and sent her flowers on Valentine's Day with a card in which the voracious lesbian wrote: "snog me, chew me, come and do me." The poor tutor was apparenty "horrified".

When Miss Hughes made it clear she was not interested, the determined lesbian refused to take no for an answer and marched into her local police station to inform cops that the pair had sex in Miss Hughes' office and were enjoying a hot, lesbian affair.

Yesterday District Judge Andrew Shaw dismissed Ernest's claims as lies and convicted her of harassment.

He told her she was 'manipulative and dishonest' and 'there was no sexual relationship'.

She was yesterday sentenced to a two-year prohibitive activity order, which bans her from any contact with Miss Hughes, and ordered to pay £800 costs.

Amusing pic of the day

2011-11-05T11:38:00.001Z

Chuck a whore out the window

2011-11-05T11:19:00.004Z

A British salesman 'pushed a naked prostitute out of Dubai hotel room window' in row about her fee.

Zoubair Ali, 37, who faces up to 10 years in jail, had apparently rowed with the whore about her £85 fee before chucking her out the window, a court heard.

The whore,-known only as A.K.-fell around 20ft from the first floor and landed on the roof of a car.

A.K, 36, told police that she met Ali in a bar before agreeing to go back to his room.

'I went with him to his hotel room because I felt lonely and needed company. I was interested in continuing the evening with him,' she said in her witness statement, website Gulf News said.

'As soon as we walked into his room, we quarrelled… I ran to the bedroom and closed the door from inside. Then I opened the window and cried for help.

However, Ali claims that they were in the middle of fucking when she demanded more money and they had an argument, it is alleged. Much more believable.

Ali is charged with having sex while unmarried and assault, which he denied. He admitted drinking on unauthorised premises.

The prostitute is accused of having unmarried sex and prostitution.

Banned from possessing the brown stuff

2011-11-02T22:48:00.004Z

A nasty guy has been banned from possessing poo - or risk being jailed for up to five years.

Steven Chennell, 45, is also not allowed to smear food on property or enter any playgrounds as part of a criminal anti-social behaviour order (Crasbo) issued by magistrates on Monday.

The order bans him from "being in possession of any excrement, on the outside of his body, human or animal, in a public place" and from "throwing or smearing any object, including food, at any property not belonging to himself".

Pc Vicky Howe, from the anti-social behaviour unit at Northamptonshire Police, said:

"It is important that action is taken against people who continue to act in an anti-social manner, detrimentally affecting the lives and businesses of people around them."

2011-10-26T19:27:00.002+01:00

A cash machine in East London is offering customers the choice of using the service in either standard English or Cockney.

The ATM, in Leytonstone, asks if you want Sausage & Mash (cash), a balance on Charlie Sheen (screen balance) or a Huckleberry Finn change (pin change).

You can also choose to have a Lady Godiva (£5), Speckled Hen (£10), Commodore (£15), Horn of plenty (£20), Pony (£25), Dirty (£30), Double Top (£40) or a Nifty (£50).

One customer said: "This is brilliant. I think it's great to have a bit of lighthearted fun during this current financial climate.

"It's tough enough withdrawing cash when you've not got much but if you can do it with a giggle it makes all the difference."

Cheeky Aussie mooned at the Queen

2011-10-24T16:22:00.002+01:00

Liam Warriner has been charged by police after he showed his bare ass to the Queen during her royal visit to Brisbane, Queensland.

The royals were visiting Brisbane to see the reconstruction working that has been underway after flooding hit the area earlier this year.

Liam Warriner, a local construction worker, is alleged to have bared his bum and wedged an Australian flag between his butt cheeks while running for 50 yards beside the motorcade.

Warriner said that both the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh waved at him during his run.

Warriner, 22, was charged by Australian police on account of wilful exposure and public nuisance offences and is to appear before magistrates on Friday.

He insists that he did not expose his cock and balls.

I'm sure the Queen appreciated seeing a 22 year old's firm butt. I mean, who wants to see Prince Philip's saggy old ass?

Thieving penguins!

2011-10-18T18:56:00.001+01:00

Awww I love these waddling penguins!

Sex position of the day- demonstrated by pensioners

2011-10-18T18:44:00.003+01:00

Sexpert Jo Hemmings on This Morning demonstrated a sex position using a couple of fogies.

Jo, explaining the position, said: "It's called face to face and you don't need to be an Olympic athlete for it.

"She's safely tucked in between his legs and it's a position that's comfortable and easy, you don't need to jump around the bed and it's very intimate, very pleasurable and very warm."

*shudders*

Check it out:

Can you identify the doorstep defecator?

2011-10-16T11:17:00.003+01:00

A doorstep defecator has left a resident seeking justice almost half a year on.

Nilesh Chohan was left disgusted after a young man, who he believes could be a student, took a dump on the doorstep of his house in Leeds, UK, at 2.20am on the day of the Royal Wedding.

The 35-year-old, who lives with his wife, mother and two young children, has CCTV recordings of the culprit.

Mr Chohan said: “When I was a student they didn’t behave like this – it goes down to basic respect.

“I can’t give up and let the guy get away with it.”

On the morning of Friday, April 29, Mr Chohan woke to find the poo on his doorstep and after trawling through his household CCTV he was shocked at what he saw.

Having lived in the street for 20 years, business analyst Mr Chohan has had several encounters with anti-social youths which led him to install the CCTV.

After the incident he took the images to local police, his MP and both Leeds Metropolitan University and Leeds University.

But both universities refused to distribute the images despite police saying they were of high enough quality to identify the perpetrator.

Mr Chohan said: “I just think it’s been brushed under the carpet.” lol!

Anyone with information is asked to contact the North West Inner neighbourhood policing team on 0113 205 3025.

How does a zoophile woo a dog, then?

2011-10-14T20:35:00.003+01:00

In case it isn't obvious, zoophilia is the expression of "love" for animals e.g. stroking, petting and, er, fucking.

Anyway, in was revealed in court today that a Swiss guy who has a penchant for fur and barking fell in love back in 2008 with an Appenzeller Sennenhund dog called Blaessli and "groomed" the poor mutt by enticing him with the finest Swiss chocolate drops and candlelit dinners, before bending over.

In court in Liestal, Switzerland, the 25 year old doggy lover wore a dog collar as a sign of affection for the one he calls his "life partner". But that perv couldn't stay committed to Blaessli for too long. As expected, the sex got boring and he decided to find some more adventurous bitches behind Blaessli's back!

He was given a suspended eight-month jail sentence after promising to undergo psychiatric counselling. Up to 275,000 Swiss people — out of a population of 8 million — have sex with animals, a survey claimed last year.

Oh just come out of the closet already, Liam Fox!

2011-10-12T21:15:00.002+01:00

So, for those of you who are not following the UK's latest political stories, let me summarise:

Defence Minister Liam Fox is currently under intense scrutiny following revelations that he has been accompanied at various top-level meetings around the world by Adam Werritty, a person who passed himself off as Liam's advisor and enjoyed at the UK taxpayers' expense all the associated privileges (stays at nice hotels etc), but who in fact is merely a "close friend" of Liam.

And yesterday, fresh allegations emerged that following a burglary of Liam's family home in April 2010, Liam had invited a mystery man to stay the night in his spare room 'cause he needed some comforting. Where was Liam's wife? She was stranded in Hong Kong due to an ash cloud. Yay, wife's stuck in Hong Kong and now it's time to get reacquainted with anal pleasures.

What went on between Liam and the mystery fella is anyone's guess but they probably did have lots of bum sex and now Liam is feeling very guilty about his rambunctious, bedroom activities, claiming any allegations as to his sexuality are just "smears".

What do you think?

This is why I don't go to KFC

2011-10-11T23:18:00.002+01:00

What a beautiful, demure English rose.

Sucking lollies could get you into trouble at work

2011-10-08T11:21:00.002+01:00

The Finnish Lawyers Association, which represents thousands of legal experts in the country, said on its website: ‘We have released this video to raise a very difficult issue. Sexual harassment in the workplace can target anyone, men or women.

‘We fully intended to throw the cat among the pigeons and hope to stimulate debate about what is a very tricky legal area.

‘We also want to inform the public that if they are unsure about a complex situation they may have faced, lawyers are there to help them (and charge a fuckload).’

Doritos creator dies

2011-09-26T21:20:00.003+01:00

97-year-old creator of Doritos Arch West died of natural causes on 20 September at Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas, Texas, his family confirmed in a statement over the weekend.

The family of Arch West intend on honouring his death by.....accompanying his barbecued remains with barbecue-flavoured Dorito chips.

Such a moving tribute *tears streaming down my face*.

Rihanna- We found love

2011-09-26T21:18:00.001+01:00

This makes me wanna shake my bootay!

Government-approved titty slapping!

2011-09-20T19:33:00.004+01:00

Bony-ass Thai sluts desperate for extra oomph in their bosom area have been encouraged to forego the knife and opt instead for government-endorsed breast manipulation therapy.

Bangkok beautician Khemmikka Na Songkhla has led the way in this innovative therapy by using her expert hands to knead, pinch, squeeze and slap women's faces, asses and boobies in an effort to disperse the fat in the unslightly areas to more strategic places.

Khemmikka learnt her craft from her granny, who once caught Khemmikka rubbing her nipples using some miracle cream. The granny mocked Khemmikka's efforts, and insisted that she would sprout enviable breasts if she rubbed them until they ached, and then douse them with ice cold water. Sure enough, after a few intense breast rubbing sessions, Khemmikka's jugs had expanded by four inches and her confidence reached new heights.

Khemmikka says her shapely breasts are all the advertisement she needs and has marketed the technique in her beauty parlour for over 15 years. Six sessions cost $380 (£235), and yield an increase of up to 4in without injections, chemicals or implants.

However, not everyone is convinced of the benefits of breasticle bashing. Khemmikka's lucrative parlour is at risk of going bust (no pun intended) since one client developed breast cancer and accused Kemmikka's mammary-slapping techniques of being a contributory factor. However, Thailand's Health Ministry could find no such link, having conducted a six month study and concluding that whilst vigorous boob massages might be painful, they do result in a measurable increase in breast size.

Baby eel swims up a guy's cock-OUCH!

2011-09-14T21:26:00.003+01:00

There's a beauty fad in China which involves taking a bath with lots of slithering baby eels which nibble on tasty dead skin.

Unfortunately for Zhang Nan, 56, one of the pesky eels found his piss hole and decided to visit his bladder.

Zhang said: "I climbed in the bath and could feel the eels nibbling my body.

"Then I felt a severe pain and realised a small eel had gone into the end of my penis.

"I tried to hold it and take it out, but the eel was too slippery to be held and it disappeared."

Medics said slime on the elver's body — which was measured as half an inch by six inches — had "worked as a lubricant".

Doctor Jin Wang said: "The diameter of the urethra in a man's genitals is just a little narrower, but because eel are quite slippery, its body worked as a lubricant and so it got in smoothly."

Milk doesn't get fresher than this

2011-09-13T19:20:00.004+01:00

Tha Sophat, a 20-month-old boy from Cambodia has started suckling cows' udders after noticing that a calf was getting regular feedings from his mummy.

The first time Tha latched onto the succulent teat, his horrified father Um Oeung pulled him away, but when Tha threw a tantrum, Um acquiesced and now Tha gets to drink udderlicious milk once or twice a day.

Um is slightly worried that Tha might get the squits and become ill, but since food is not aplenty, he ain't complainin' too much just yet!

Bitch has five foot wide ass!

2011-09-06T19:09:00.003+01:00

Meet Dionne Washington, 35, from Texas, who earns $90,000 a year trading on her luscious ass.

Dionne, whose buttocks is an incredible 5ft 3ins wide, says “I’m not concerned,” she insists. “I love my body and wouldn’t change a thing.”

She also says nearly everything she eats heads straight to her butt and to maintain that rump she consumes 9,000 calories a day.

“The more I eat the bigger this beauty gets,” says Dionne.

But she didn't always think her ass was exquisite. Speaking of her childhood, she added: "Kids at school can be so cruel, calling me Big Bum Bertha, Butt Head and Bottom Feeder. I’d sit at the back of class and wait until everyone else left the room because my bum often got stuck in the chair." Awww.

Cheeky Chinese Thieves!

2011-09-02T16:19:00.004+01:00

These thieves don't bother fumbling in bags or pockets using their hands. Instead, they swoop in like a ninja and use a pair of chopsticks to delicately remove the item desired without leaving a trace.

Cop shagging over the bonnet of his car in broad daylight- hot!

2011-08-31T19:08:00.003+01:00

The cop is seen having his wicked way with a half-naked Mexican slut in broad daylight – as a small Chihuahua looks on.

The "steamy" scene was captured at Santa Fe Canyon Ranch, in New Mexico, US.

Members of the public have called for action to be taken against the officer.

State Police have refused to comment on whether the officer was on duty at the time.

So far no-one is facing any charges.

The Money Shop advert

2011-08-31T19:04:00.003+01:00

You seen this? The acting is top-notch!

Bubbles apparently gave Whitney Houston a toe job

2011-08-30T21:16:00.002+01:00

This is what David Gest said during a Michael Jackson documentary that will air in the UK this October:

“Whitney was having dinner with Michael at his Neverland home when she accidentally dropped her knife under the table. While Michael was retrieving it for her, Whitney felt her toes being sucked. She moaned, ‘Michael, is that you? Don’t stop. That’s so sensual’. Yet Michael’s head popped up and her toes were still being sucked. It turned out it was Bubbles."

Haha!

Why didn't I have a teacher like Johnny Anglais?

2011-08-30T19:45:00.006+01:00

A hot, sex education teacher at an east London school was caught moonlighting as a porn star and stripper, a disciplinary panel heard today.

Benedict Garrett, 31 was forced to explain his whorish behaviour at a disciplinary hearing following complaints by outraged parents. After his dual identity was rumbled by his sex-starved pupils checking out his website, Johnny Anglais was suspended pending an investigation.

The General Teaching Council panel in Birmingham heard how Mr Garrett 'undertook work of a pornographic nature' and 'performed as a stripper in public place' while employed by at Beal High School, in Ilford, between January 1 2008 and July 16 2010.

2011-08-24T19:14:00.005+01:00

An illegal immigrant questioned over the authenticity of his marriage was rumbled when the only information he could provide about his bride was that the bitch was "big, black and liked cigs and chicken burgers". Haha!

The vicar who was presiding over the marriage ceremony was rather suspicious when he could not feel the lurve in the air between the Nigerian Mojeed Bello, 31 and Dutch-born Carina Merselina, 25.

For some reason, Rev Robert Simpson's conscience told him to get his divine ass to the couple's "home" address, upon which he discovered it was packed full of smelly students.

Cops had swooped on the newlyweds at the registrar's office as they went to pick up their marriage licence.

Bello insisted the relationship was genuine — but when quizzed he could divulge nothing of substance about his chicken-loving bride. Prosecutor Martin Steen told the court: "He appeared to know little about her except that she was 'big, black and liked smoking and chicken burgers'."

Love it!

Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger ft. Christina Aguilera

2011-08-19T10:46:00.000+01:00

I'm gonna be whistling all day now!

Deep Fried Butter- only in the US!

2011-08-12T17:49:00.000+01:00

Widow munches on cremated husband's ashes-yummy!

2011-08-11T09:50:00.004+01:00

Casie, 26, who lost her husband, Shawn, to a sudden asthma attack was filmed for TLC's reality TV show My Strange Addiction.

The widow first tried a taste of her late spouse when she was moving his ashes from a cardboard box into a special commemorative urn.

'Some of it spilled out on my hands. I didn't want to just wipe him away, so I just licked it off my fingers.

'And here I am today, almost two months later and I can't stop.'

The grieving widow, who married her husband in 2009, cannot bear to leave him behind, wherever she goes.

'I take my husband everywhere. To the grocery store, out shopping...When I go grocery shopping, I buy the things that he likes,' she reportedly said on the show.

Check out the finger lickin' video! She should try some sweet chilli sauce with that.

So long, Shrien Dewani

2011-08-11T09:21:00.003+01:00

Better lube up that brown ass, bitch- those sex-starved, well-endowed South African prisoners are in for a treat!

Dewani, of Westbury-on-Trym, Bristol, has been in a secure mental hospital while fighting extradition to South African to stand trial for the murder of his wife, Anni, during their honeymoon in South Africa.

Yesterday, Judge Howard Riddle ordered Dewani to stand trial in South Africa.

Dewani's lawyers argued that the murderous brownie is suffering from severe post-traumatic stress disorder and that sending him back would violate his human rights (the right to a tight ass).

Concerns were raised about the risk of sex attack in South Africa's jails after reports that he is a fag- which Dewani denies, of course.

Riddle described Dewani as "good-looking, youthful and physically well-preserved" - but said he was confident that his ass would not be violated in jail.

London Riots 2011 JD Sports

2011-08-09T20:01:00.002+01:00

Of all the footage of the looting in London, it's this one that sticks in my mind and makes me laugh. Go to 0.46 and check out that woman in the purple top. She's in no rush to get out of the crime scene- bitch starts trying on the trainers right outside the store!

Thieving bastards!

Lactating bitch squirts milk at cops!

2011-08-02T19:22:00.003+01:00

Stephanie Robinette, 30, of Ohio was at a wedding with her husband when she caught him eyeing up the bridesmaids. Bitch then got drunk, hurled some abuse and punched him twice in the face.

By the time cops arrived, the Boobinator was already in her car about to make a getaway but was asked to step out. The brazen hussy, incensed by the two police officers' attitude, mumbled that she was a mother, lobbed out her right tit, aimed it at their faces and squeezed.

She has been sentenced to three days in prison for the assault and will be on probation for two years.

I love her mugshot! It's like she's thinking: "So what? I'll spray you too, bitch!"

Dancing Squid is the latest craze in Japan

2011-07-29T21:07:00.002+01:00

Apparently, the sodium in the soy sauce reacts with the still-active cells in the squid, producing a kind of electrical impulse that makes the creature's tentacles leap about as if alive or 'dancing'.

Sick!

Guy got freaky with a milk bottle

2011-07-28T22:54:00.004+01:00

The panicked 60-year-old told doctors at a hospital in Zhuai, China, that he was suffering from serious constipation and thought a milk bottle would help stimulate a bowel movement.

Amy Winehouse has left the building

2011-07-23T17:54:00.002+01:00

Bitch died just a few hours ago, most probably from a drugs and alcohol binge.

Is anyone actually surprised?

2011-07-22T22:29:00.002+01:00

The BBC has apologised after a radio presenter compared breastfeeding in public to his having sex with the missus in a restaurant.

James Hazell made his comments while hosting a debate about whether women should nurse their babies in public when a guest described it as ‘the most natural thing in the world’.

He said: ‘Next time you are out having a meal at a restaurant, on the basis that it [breastfeeding] is the most natural thing in the world, I will come in there with my wife and then make love right in front of you.

‘Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, and that is fine, but there are a lot of natural things we don’t do in public.’

Hear, hear! I certainly don't want to witness a baby eagerly chewing on his/her momma's titty as though there's a famine. Puts me right off. Do your business in private, lactating bitches!

Yay I love this advert!

2011-07-22T22:01:00.001+01:00

Another crazy Japanese invention

2011-07-20T17:13:00.005+01:00

The iMeshi cases for iPhone 4 feature realistic plastic versions of meals such as sushi, noodles, and also Christmas-themed cakes and chocolate.

Whatever!

I admire this ruthless bitch

2011-07-19T16:57:00.003+01:00

A charity worker who spent £5,000 bringing his new Jamaican bride to the UK was left heartbroken after she quit that bitch within 20 minutes of walking through his front door.

Johnny Gannon spent thousands arranging a visa for 24-year-old Patrice Chambers so they could live in marital bliss in his council flat in Perth, Scotland.

But as soon as Patrice arrived in Perth, she sent trusting Mr Gannon, 57, out to buy Pot Noodles. When he returned she grabbed her bags and told him she was outta there!

Within 20 minutes of arriving through his front door she had flagged down a car and caught a train. He found out she had also run up a £500 bill on his mobile phone.

Heartbroken Mr Gannon, who married Patrice in Jamaica early this year, believes his new wife fled to Bristol to meet a Jamaican boyfriend with whom she had organised the scheme.

Mwahahahhahahahahahahaaha!

A nipple is discovered in a most unusual place

2011-07-18T19:11:00.002+01:00

Nasty! Bitch needs to bazooka that verruca!

Featuring in a report in scientific journal Dermatology Online, researchers believe that the unusual positioning of the four centimetres in diameter nipple may mean it is completely unique.
The report reads: "A 22-year-old woman sought medical care for a lesion in the plantar region of her left foot, a well-formed nipple surrounded by areola and hair.
"To our knowledge, this is the first report of supernumerary breast tissue on the foot."

Ed Sheeran- The A Team

2011-07-16T11:36:00.001+01:00

Beautiful song...

I'll prove to you I'm not gay- measure my anus, bitch!

2011-07-15T20:05:00.004+01:00

You just can't make this shit up!

After Spanish priest Andrés García Torres was pictured canoodling with a young Cuban seminarian, the Bishop of Getafe suspected that something fishy was goin' on.

The Bishop demanded that Torres, who has a parish in the Madrid dormitory town of Fuenlabrada, must abandon the parish, undergo psychiatric therapy and take an HIV test.

But Senora Torres has now threatened to take his sacred ass to Rome to prove to the cassock-wearing paedos that he is being unfairly treated.

"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated", he screamed, insisting that he and the sultry Cuban are only friends.

Hmm, I don't believe it. That Cuban bitch's face tells me that he's just baptised the priest's ass and now he just wants to go home and eat some paella.

New Religion?

2011-07-14T19:54:00.006+01:00

Pastafarianism- kinda like Rastafarianism, except that dreadlocks are replaced with spaghetti, and basil is smoked instead of weed...anyhoo....

A crazy Austrian has been granted permission to wear a pasta strainer on his head for the purposes of his passport photograph on the grounds of his religious beliefs: that he is a Pastafarian belonging to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Initially, authorities were unconvinced by Niko Alm's application, asking the eccentric entrepreneur/nutter to be assessed by a doctor to see if he was mentally fit to drive.

But three years later, they have come round to his way of thinking, with Alm being sent his brand new driving licence in the post.

Cock Museum

2011-07-12T20:17:00.004+01:00

Lucky bitches in Iceland craving for cock can titillate their senses by visiting the Icelandic Phallological Museum.

Over 200 specimens are preserved in test tubes and glass vessels, while others are displayed like hunting trophies on the walls.

‘It is finally possible for individuals to undertake serious study into the field of phallology in an organized, scientific fashion,’ boast the museum’s website.

Dedicated to exhibiting dicks from all mammals in or around Iceland it has recently added its newest specimen to the collection- a 95-year-old human's crusty cock.

Theft of bog rolls!

2011-06-30T20:51:00.003+01:00

The recession may have encouraged people to make some cutbacks e.g. replacing Tesco Finest with cheap-ass Tesco Value items, but one particularly frugal dude has resorted to stealing toilet tissue rolls from his employer.

David Pinkham, of Massachusetts, was caught out when police spotted him leaving Lawrence City Hall with a case of toilet paper. Security videos were used as evidence that he had entered the building empty handed, before leaving with the case.

Further investigations revealed he had even more about his person, with six rolls hidden down his pants.

A police report stated that he 'pulled six tightly folded toilet paper rolls from his buttocks and groin area' at the police station.

Wow, what a bitch!

2011-06-30T20:21:00.005+01:00

Carolyn Bourne (pictured) didn't think Heidi Withers was good enough for Carolyn's stepson, Freddie.

After the young couple spent a weekend at Carolyn's 500k house in Devon, Carolyn decided enough was enough, so the snooty bitch decided to send the following email (which has since gone viral) to Heidi:

It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around.

Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something. You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else. You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.
You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.
You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed.
You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.
No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.
I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

Today, Heidi's father Alan Withers said Carolyn Bourne 'has her head stuck so far up her own arse she doesn't know whether to speak or fart.'

World Testicle & Aphrodisiac Cooking Championships

2011-06-28T21:01:00.002+01:00

Yeah, I didn't know there was a bollock cooking competition, either!

Organiser of the prestigious event, Ljubomir Erovic, said testicles are rich in testosterone and minerals and are believed to be a powerful aphrodisiac in his home country of Serbia.

Thoughtful Erovic believes that he can help the Duchess of Cambridge to conceive if she's willing to sample a platter of his tasty balls.

Delicacies on offer at the championships include a full range of bull, boar, camel, ostrich and even kangaroo testicles.

The self-taught chef has twenty years' experience of preparing, cooking and eating a wide range of testicles.

He has already written the world's first recipe collection of its kind, Cooking With Balls, which includes how to prepare testicle pizzas, battered testicles and barbecued testicles with giblets.

The book notes that you will need a ‘very sharp knife’ if you want to embark on traditional testicle cookery techniques, and also advises washing your balls and letting them soak in water before cooking, to soften them up.

Horse jizz drink....mmmmm

2011-06-28T20:46:00.005+01:00

The Green Man Pub in Wellington, New Zealand, has invented a new drink to spice up a local food challenge- apple flavoured horse semen.

The pub sells the 30ml shots for £12 and apparently, the punters can't get enough!

The sperm is tenderly coaxed out of hot studs from a Christchurch stallion farm and each shot contains about 300 million individual horse sperm cells.

Green Man pub co-owner Steven Drummond advises his customers to shoot the gloopy horse semen back in one gulp rather than attempt to sip it like Baileys on ice.

Preparing the balls..

Would you try a shit burger?

2011-06-17T21:16:00.003+01:00

A crazy Japanese scientist (uh oh, here we go...) has invented a burger, made out of poo.

Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, came up with the novel approach after Tokyo Sewage asked him to come up with a way of using up the city's waste.

His research team discovered that poo contains a lot of protein due to the bacteria so they extracted the proteins to create an artificial steak, to which they added some red colouring and a generous splash of soy sauce (well, duh). And then they fried it on a griddle.

In taste tests, participants are said to have found the poo patties "delicious" and that they tasted like beef.

Dab your moist asses, bitches! It's another hot pic of Ben Cohen

2011-06-14T21:33:00.003+01:00

Angry doctor not happy with David Cameron's TV crew

2011-06-14T19:21:00.004+01:00

The furious orthopaedic surgeon stormed into the ward and ordered out TV crews filming the Prime Minister and deputy Nick Clegg, for ignoring hygiene rules aimed at preventing the spread of disease.

Haha look at David Cameron's face! That fucking melted cheese face!

Crazy Cat Lady is looking for lurve

2011-06-11T17:04:00.000+01:00

Forehead Tittaes!

2011-06-10T14:32:00.003+01:00

These tittaes are so crazy! I'd love a pair!

2011-06-10T14:27:00.002+01:00

A US woman has been awarded $95 million in compensation in a sexual harassment case against her former employers.

Ashley Alford, in her mid 20s, won the award from her former employers Aaron's of St Louis after a manager allegedly attacked her in a stockroom, lifting her slutty shirt and wanking over her while holding her down.

Prosecutors alleged Richard Moore - who is still awaiting trial - would pinch Miss Alford and made inappropriate comments before the October 2006 attack and once sneaked up behind her while she sat on the stockroom floor and hit her on the head with his cock.

Do they have any job vacancies? Pick me, pick me!

A shocking new dance show at Sadler's Wells Theatre, London

2011-06-04T08:32:00.004+01:00

I urge all you pervy bitches to attend this radical new show by the Dave St-Pierre Company called "Un peu de tendresse bordel de merde!" which according to Google Translate means "a little tenderness for crying out loud".

Yup, there's plenty of "tenderness" in this show, if tenderness means having naked male dancers wearing blond wigs clambering into the audience and shoving their dicks in their faces!

The Observer's dance critic Luke Jennings was not impressed:

"Further down my row a guy parts his arse-cheeks to expose his anus to a visibly alarmed woman. Then he fixes on me, and tries to grab my pen and notebook. I hold on and he pulls my glasses from my face. Then deliberately, clearing his throat, he gobs phlegm all over the lenses, and with a sneer, hands them back to me.

"Whatever. He, and St-Pierre, probably consider this kind of behaviour in some sense liberating. Or maybe not. Maybe he just feels he has the licence to do whatever he pleases, and to hell with anyone who thwarts him."

In any case, he says, the experience was "the most unpleasant I've ever had in the theatre".

Mark Monahan in the Daily Telegraph wrote of resisting the urge to leave only to be "rewarded by one of the dozen naked, blond-wigged male dancers trying to shove his wizened little willy in my left ear. Very much like being assaulted with a leftover cocktail sausage, this unrewarding incident nevertheless saw me get off lightly: many others in the stalls (including my fellow critics), as those gurning, shrieking morons clambered about among us just after the opening, were exposed to far more than that, and for far longer".

Fabulous! Any tickets left for tonight's final show?

Most tattooed man in Britain

2011-06-03T14:56:00.002+01:00

Great-grandfather Tommy Wells has been hailed the most tattooed man in Britain after having 1,000 tattoos etched all over his body.

Why so miserable, bitch?

Hot Liev Schreiber

2011-06-03T14:37:00.006+01:00

Who wouldn't?

Ha! Dumb yella sells a kidney to buy an iPad 2!

2011-06-02T13:43:00.003+01:00

Xiao Zheng, 17, could not afford to purchase the pointless, tablet-style computer that is seen as a symbol of wealth in China.

The materialistic bitch answered an advert offering cold, hard cash to healthy people willing to have one of their kidneys removed.

His action horrified his mother and has caused outrage in China, with people complaining that materialism has destroyed morals in the young.

Boob Cam

2011-06-01T20:26:00.000+01:00

2011-06-01T17:26:00.006+01:00

Natalie Cassidy aka "egg on legs" was slapped by her fiance....using a slipper.

With a face like that I thought she would have been grateful for an improvement!

Bin Laden reincarnated as a piece of toast

2011-06-01T17:25:00.002+01:00