Birdie feeds a dog some noodles

Awwwww!

Two women who ran out of beer money allegedly offered to flash their boobies to restaurant customers for cash. Unfortunately, no one took them up on their tempting offer, so a fight broke out, culminating in an attempted stabbing!

Alicia Martin, 28, and Kathryn Rayannic, 23, who were celebrating after passing an exam, had drunk gallons of beer at the The Waterfront bar in St. James City, Florida.

But when the natural beauties ran out of money they thought they could use their assets to fund their night out by going table to table offering to flash other restaurant customers for cash.

'They were offering to show their boobs for drinks,' waiter Shaun Bassett told NBC2. 'We had five guys that were like, 'Please, leave us alone.' They actually went up to tables who had their wives there.'

After a total lack of interest the two got aggressive, restaurant staff said.

Martin has been charged with Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon and Battery. Rayannic is charged with Disorderly Conduct.

A 15-year-old girl turned on the television and saw, to her shock, her parents cavorting in a programme about a swinger's club.

The girl's mother was wearing stockings and suspenders and was in a cage while her father was dressed as Batman with a dildo in his hand.

The embarrassed couple in Germany tried to sue the broadcasting company RTL for huge damages, claiming emotional upset for their daughter.

But the court rejected their claim and awarded them just £160 each.

Mwahaha!

Ahhh I remember as a kid I would creep downstairs in the middle of the night to watch the late night filth on RTL. Good times! lol

Madge at Superbowl 2012

Oooh, mystical!

Meet Jemima Packington, a mystic who claims to be able to predict the future by tossing asparagus spears in the air.

Jemima claims to be the only living Asparamancer and that she predicted the demise of Gordon Brown (didn't really need asparagus to predict that), the credit crunch, and Oscar glory for British film The King's Speech.

Yesterday she made her predictions for 2012, including two Royal pregnancies, a change of leadership for one of the UK's main political parties, the collapse of the euro and the death of a high-profile British figure.

Ms Packington, who is originally from Pershore, Worcestershire, but now lives in Bath, Somerset, said: "It might sound silly to some people but my readings are very accurate. I have been doing readings using asparagus since I was eight years old. My great aunt read tea leaves and I have inherited her gift."

She picks a handful of tips, tosses them into the air and "reads" the shapes they form when they land.

When she asked the spears to show her what would happen with the euro financial crisis one of the tips ominously broke in half.

Ms Packington said: "When a spear breaks it is the equivalent of the death card in Tarot readings. It is not necessarily a bad thing because it indicates a parting of ways."

Madonna- Give me all your luvin'

A firm of private investigators in Australia has been advertising for a £50,000-a-year 'brothel inspector'.

The post involves "partaking of sexual services" undercover on behalf of local councils in New South Wales.

The Lyonswood Investigations and Forensic Group in Sydney placed the ad for a 'Brothel Buster Investigator' in My Career magazine.

Applicants were required to be unmarried and preferably single, willing to have protected sex with prostitutes and to provide sworn evidence in court.

Lyonswood operations manager Lachlan Jarvis said the job involved visiting suspected illegal brothels and gathering evidence to prove they were offering sexual services.

"Some jobs require the offering of sexual services, some actually require the partaking of sexual services... because it is considered the most convincing evidence," he said.

Mr Jarvis said the ad had proved popular with Sydney job seekers.

"We had dozens if not more than that apply, it was certainly a popular job," he said, "the perfect job for a male."

Madge's new album cover

Ultimate lazy mum!

Teachers at a school in Lincolnshire, UK, were said to be shocked when they discovered this delicacy in a child's packed lunch:

Lincolnshire already has one of the highest rates of childhood obesity in the country, with one in three children categorised as obese.